Some of mine:

Ed Edd & Eddy:

(in response to various insults) Ed: "Stinky hat!"

Johnny: "Plank says..."

Ed: "One, two, tie my shoe! [ties shoe] Three, four, close the door! [slams door so hard the house collapses] Five, six, grab some sticks! [grabs two streetlights] Seven, eight, lay them straight! [puts them down and squashes Johnny] Nine, ten, a big fat hen! [grabs a HUGE hen, and it flies off with him, he then emerges from an egg it leaves behind] Eleven, twelve..."
Eddy: "Ed!"

Family Guy:

Young Peter: "Why did all the dinosaurs die out?"
Museum Staff: "Because you touch yourself at night."

Car Navigation System: "In Soviet Russia, car drives you!"

Chris: "Have some ice-cream dude."
Stewie: "Okay... but NO SPRINKLES! For every sprinkle I find... I shall kill you."

Futurama:

Leela: "It's like some weird Leela museum... and I'm the Leela!"

Gravitation:

Yuki Eiri: "...and you suck in bed." (you have to see it in the context to find it funny)

Spaceballs:  the best place for quotes. EVER.

---
Dark Helmet: What the hell am I looking at?... When does this happen in the movie?
Colonel Sandurz: Now, You're looking at now sir...Everything that happens now is happening now.
Dark Helmet: What happened to then?
Colonel Sandurz: We passed it.
Dark Helmet:When.
Colonel Sandurz:Just now... We're at now now.
Dark Helmet: Go back to then?
Colonel Sandurz: When?
Dark Helmet: Now.
Colonel Sandurz: Now?
Dark Helmet: Now.
Colonel Sandurz:I can't
Dark Helmet: Why?
Colonel Sandurz: We missed it.
Dark Helmet: When?
Colonel Sandurz: Just now.
Dark Helmet: When will then be now?
Colonel Sandurz: Soon!
Dark Helmet: How soon?
Technician: Sir!
Dark Helmet: What?
Technician: We've identified their location!
Dark Helmet: Where?
Technician: It's the moon of Vega
Colonel Sandurz: Good work. Set a course and prepare for our arrival
Dark Helmet: When?
Technician: Nineteen hundred hours, sir!
Colonel Sandurz: By high noon tomorrow they will be our prisoners!
Dark Helmet: WHO?!?!
[Face mask falls in front of face]
---
Dark Helmet: Careful you idiot. I said across her nose, not up it!
Laser Gunner: Sorry sir. Doing my best.
Dark Helmet: Who made that man a gunner?
Major Asshole: I did sir. He's my cousin.
Dark Helmet: Who is he?
Colonel Sandurz: He's an asshole sir.
Dark Helmet: I know that!....What's his name?
Colonel Sandurz: That is his name sir, Major Asshole
Dark Helmet: and his cousin?
Colonel Sandurz: He's an asshole too sir: Gunner's mate, first class, Philip Asshole
Dark Helmet: How many assholes we got on this ship anyhow?
The Crew: YO!!!!
Dark Helmet: I knew it, I'm surrounded by assholes
[Dark Helmet pulls his mask down]
Dark Helmet: Keep firing assholes!!
To the top
---

Pardon the language...

Sure is. :) I love that movie. ;D

Dark Helmet: I hate it when I get my schwarz twisted!

favorite qoute: Ed Edd and Eddy


Ed is swinging from the climbing rope in gym, jumps off and lands on Kevin who happens to be gym supervisor or whatever he is, he's in charge.

Kevin:congratulations, you just earned yourself a detention.
...pause
Ed has a blank expression for about five or six seconds.
Ed smiles.

Due to the way Ed Edd and Eddy is drawn, alot of times, you have to see it for it to be funny. ;D

Another funny scene from Ed Edd and Eddy,

The lunch room was divided into two factions at war.namely, a food fight.

This was in a valentines episode so Jimmy and Sarah were flying over head with their bows and arrows.

Jimmy: This is terrible! Valentines day is overrun!
Sarah:We have to do something!
Jimmy:You're right!

They both nocked about forty or fifty arrows and drew their bows back.
Then it shows Rolf , he hid under a trash can and you hear the noise of the war. That noise comes to an abrupt end with the coming of a huge bombardment of arrows. You see the outside of Rolfs hiding place. He peaks out.


It's funny to watch this for two reasons, Rolf has absolutely no clue what's going on, and his trashcan has what looks like about three fourths of the total arrows shot stuck in it.

Once again, you might have to see it to think it's funny.


\
what's this color thing do?

I used to watch a lot of "Garfield" cartoons on TV, and now I have them on DVD.  There are a few quotes on that show that always crack me up.  I don't remember it word-for-word, but this is one of my favorites.

In an episode satiring the postal service, Garfield is in the post office, and the following conversation is overheard between Mr. Letterman (the postmaster) and Schmidlap (the guy working the counter):
Letterman:  "Wait a minute, why are there two windows open, Schmidlap?"
Schmidlap:  "There were a lot of people waiting in line, Mr. Letterman."
Letterman:  "Well that's the point of it!  This is a post office; we're supposed to keep people waiting!  (Closing the window) Now get in the back and smash some of those packages marked fragile!"

Also, In the same episode, Garfield walks up to a man sorting the mail by type (First class, express, metered, etc.) and he puts the letters in their respective slots.  Garfield walks into the room on the other side of the slots, where he sees all of the letters falling into one giant bucket.  He says, "I always figured that's how those slots worked!"

I have a lot of favorite quotes!  :D

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Mrs. Beauregarde: But I can't have a blueberry as a daughter. How is she supposed to COMPETE?
Veruca Salt: You could put her in a county fair.

Mrs. Gloop: Zen he vil be made into strawberry-flavored chocolate-coated fudge? Dell be selling him by the pound all over the world?
Willy Wonka: No. I wouldn’t allow it. The taste would be terrible. Can you imagine Augustus-flavored chocolate-coated Gloop? Ew. No one would buy it.

Grandpa George: WELL, IT’S A GOOD THING YOU’RE GOING TO A CHOCOLATE FACTORY, YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE B-
Mrs. Bucket: *covers Charlie’s ears*

Willy Wonka: Chewing gum is really gross, chewing gum I hate the most.

Willy Wonka: You’re all quite short, aren’t you?
Violet Beauregarde: Well, yeah, we’re children.
Willy Wonka: Well, that’s no excuse. I was not as short as you.
Mike Teavee: You were once.
Willy Wonka: Was not. Know why? Because I distinctly remember putting a hat on top of my head. Look at your short little arms. You could never reach.

Grandma Georgina: You smell like peanuts. I like peanuts.
Willy Wonka: Thank you. You smell like old people and soap. *whisper* I like it.
Grandma Georgina: Oh! *hugs Willy Wonka*

Willy Wonka: Pity about that chocolate fellow...Waldenburgh, Walter...
Charlie Bucket: Willy Wonka.
Willy Wonka: That’s the one. Says here his candies aren’t selling very well. But I suppose he’s just a rotten guy who deserves it.
Charlie Bucket: Yep.
Willy Wonka: Oh, really? Did you meet him?
Charlie Bucket: Yes. I thought he was great at first, but he didn’t turn out so nice. He also has a funny haircut.
Willy Wonka: *throws down newspaper* I DO NOT!

Willy Wonka: Good morning, starshine. The Earth says hello!

Willy Wonka: And you must be their-*breaks off nervously*...
Mr. Salt: Parents.
Willy Wonka: Yeah. Moms and Dads...Dad? Papa?

Robots
Rodney and Fender: *arm farting*
Crank: Come on, what are you guys, three years old? This is how a man does it. *arm farting*
Piper: You guys are so gross. Besides, this is how you do it. *arm farting*
Aunt Fanny: Hey, kids, get a load of this: *extreme farting*
Everyone: Ugh...ugh...*coughing*
Piper: Aunt Fanny...we were using our arms...

Fender: AUNT FANNY!
Rodney: Why is she called Aunt Fanny?
Fender: Couldn’t call her Aunt Booty.
Rodney: WHOA!

Watches: Don’t buy us, we’re fakes.

Rodney: When was the last time you got oiled?
Fender: Can’t answer that with my sis around.
Piper: Can it, Fender!

Piper: Who the heck is she?
Aunt Fanny: I used to have a figure like that.

Aunt Fanny: *whacking bad guys with her butt* Say hello to my dimpled friend!

Diesel: *Darth Vader voice box* The Force is strong with this one!

Bewitched (Movie)
Nina: She was a witch.
Aunt Clara: So am I... *laughter*

Isabel Bigelow: I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY!!!
Jack Wyatt: WHAT??!!!
Isabel Bigelow: You’re a jerk.
Jack Wyatt: What did you just say?
Isabel Bigelow: *few seconds later* I said, YOU’RE A JERK! Everything is about you. Y-You are selfish! You are self-centered! And you, you lied to me, you said you needed me, you don’t need anyone!
Ritchie: Listen, sweetie, why don’t you go to your trailer and take a Midol-
Isabel Bigelow: Hey, you be quiet or I’ll give you a tail!
Ritchie: *stunned*
Isabel Bigelow: You sit down. SIT DOWN! Yeah...! This show’s supposed to be a marriage. A real marriage, with real problems like what color to paint the kitchen, or I don’t know, I can’t think of any others right now, BUT THE ONLY PROBLEMS YOU CARE ABOUT ARE YOUR OWN! No wonder the audience doesn’t like this show! A witch marries a mortal. Who in their right mind would want to marry you?
Jack Wyatt: Hey!
Ritchie: Excuse me, that’s it, you’re fired.
Isabel Bigelow: Doesn’t matter. I-I QUIT! Yeah, so, you better call my agent!
Jim Fields: You don’t have an agent.
Isabel Bigelow: Then call my cable man! URRGH!

Jack Wyatt: It’s my dog. MY DOG! And I will die if I do not have back, do you understand? I will DIE if I do NOT...HAVE IT BACK!!!! HAAAVE BAACK!!!!!

Jack Wyatt: Where art thou dog? Thy canine lover? Where is the hot breath upon the nape of my neck? We shall form a brotherhood of man and beast. You shall lick my face and I shall lick your snout.

I'll post more of them when I have the time.

Oh yes, Spaceballs is a funny film!  ;D

Another one I like is Airplane.

As a plane is preparing to take off:

Ground Control : Flight 2-0-9er, you're cleared for take off.
Captain Oever : Roger!
Roger Murdock : Huh?
Ground Control : L.A. departure frequency 1-2-3 point 9er.
Captain Oever : Roger!
Roger Murdock : Huh?
Ground Control : Re-quest Vector, over!
Captain Oever : What?
Ground Control : 2-0-9er clear for vector 2-3-4.
Roger Murdock : We have clearance Clarence.
Captain Oever : Roger, Roger. What's our Vector Victor?
Ground Control : Tower's radio clearance, over!
Captain Oever : That's Clarence Oever! Over.
Ground Coltrol : Roger.
Roger Murdock : Huh?
Ground Control : Roger, over.
Roger Murdock : Huh?
Captain Oever : Huh?

The Simpsons

Homer: "If Bart can be El Barto, why can't I be El Homo?"

Homer: "This story takes place in an imaginary kingdom called France."

Lisa(as Mozart's sister): "Why do you get all the recognition for your music?"
Bart(as Mozart): "Because you're ug-ly!"

I like South Park the Movie

Mr Garrison: Ok children let's start with a few little math problems what is 5 x 2?

Mr Garrison: WHAT DID YOU SAY????

Doctor: I'm sorry Kenny but we replaced your heart with a baked potato