You know those "Lemmings Story" and "Magic War" stories... lets make another one like that!




After sleeping for a thousand years, the heroes that once saved Lemmingsville had returned to life. Lem'ka, Timballisto, Tumbleweed, IceEagle and Steaver. {EOS}

Wise, old Lorock appeared and tol dthem: "Your time is come! You have to safe Lemmingsville one time again!". Then he disappeared.

I can't think of anything to add yet, but... hmm... your english could have been a little bit better(it's getting better though!):

No comma is needed between "Wise" and "old". It should be "Your time has come". And "You have to save", not "you have to safe". And last thing, "once again", not "one time again!".

You're getting better all the time though, keep it up!

Lorock reappeared in front of Lemmy, and handed him a twisted and broken metal pipe. Lemmy stared at it dumbly for a few seconds, and then asked "What is this?" - but the old Lemming was already vanishing again. He stared at the pipe for a few more seconds, and then shrugged, tossing it over his shoulder. It started to transform into a starship...

(What I would like to know is how come i'm in the story and I haven't ever written anything for it....>_<...anyway)

The starship started to talk to Lemmy...It said..."

"Lemmy - you belong to the darkness now. There is no turning back."
Lemmy backed up, a scream ripping itself out of his throat. "No!" he gasped.
He got the impression the ship was gloating at him. As if in slow motion, he hurled his pen at it, and --

The ship was punctured like a balloon. It flew high up, and then came down, hitting Lemmy. Lemmy flew high into the atmosphere and got burnt. Then, as he began to die from burning, he got out a Chaos Emerald and yelled, "CHAOS CONTROL!!!!!!!" He was warped to...

A space station near Orion's Belt. He was wearing a spacesuit, and carrying a rubber duck, which was staring at him with a malevolent gleam in its eye. Lemmy hurled the thing away from him.
A green and purple thing came up to him, and said...

"Lemmy... if you do not want to die... you must say 'This guy are sick'!".

Lemmy didn't say it, but Steaver stepped in and said it, which resulted in Lemmy's survival.

lemmy then "borrowed" a space ship and flew to orions head and accidentally got swallowed by orion.
( i'm still in this story right?)when you said it was like the magic wars, are you referring to also the same characters? if you were, i was wondering why G3K and I weren't in there.

[You can always just put yourself in if you want to be in.]

This was a very odd experience for Lemmy, even though he had been swallowed by monsters many different times. He found himself contemplating the meaning of life, and wondering whether the old cardboard box he used for a desk would have rotted by the time he got out.
And then with a bam, he was free! But he was somewhere he had never been before. With horror, he realized he was...

...on an abandoned island far out in the ocean. Or so Lemmy thought. He walked through a dense forest, and then heard yelling. "Kill it! We need sacrifice for the great god, Bob!" Lemmy turned and saw ten thousand angry natives charging at him. Lemmy screamed and ran up a volcano. He dove in.

He could barely see, and what little he could make out was vague shapes swimming in molten lava. He tried to move his hands to rub his eyes, but he couldn't. It felt like her was falling forever, but he wasn't doing that, either. And then he emerged into a little pocket of air, and a goblin sorcerer was standing there, cackling at him. "Who... who are you?" Lemmy gasped.

"I," the goblin began, "Am Chuck. Now, you shall be my slave." Lemmy began to run away. "Come back here, you little thing," Chuck said. He got out a rod at aimed at Lemmy. "Zapros Wardfrontle!" he yelled. Lemmy was pulled inside an electric ball. It acted as a cage. "Ha ha ha ha!" Chuck laughed. "Now, come with me, to the torture chambers." He took Lemmy down a series of tunnels and came to a bloodstained door. He opened it and threw Lemmy out of the cage and into the doorway.

Lemmy was now in a strange land. He looked at the sun, and then screamed. It had a baby face! "I'm in Teletubby Land!! AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!" Lemmy yelled. Then, he saw the Teletubbies coming. He tried to escape but was frozen on the spot in fear. The Teletubbies grabbed him and began to hug him.

Lemmy felt his vital essence start to drain from him. He slowly sagged to the ground, his vision growing dim. He could hear insipid squeaking and laughing noises as he slumped, his facing pitching forwards to touch the cold ground in front of him. As a last desperate act, one of his hands groped out in front of him, trying to at least trip one of the horrors he had beheld so breifly --

...and he tripped one. Tinky-Winky fell into the others. They all blew up. "That's better, but how do I get out of here?" Lemmy asked. As if he had been heard, a spring board appeared in front of him. He jumped on it and flew high into the sky. He saw something dark ahead. He closed his eyes, hoping for the best. He felt something hit him, and then he stopped moving. He opened his eyes. He was in a cavern. On a pedestal down the passageway, there was $100. Lemmy yelled, "MONEY!!!!!" and grabbed it from the pedestal. He heard rumbling, then turned around. The wall behind him broke, and a boulder began chasing him down the corridor! (Fade-in Indiana Jones theme  ;) )

But the boulder crushed him. The boulder was radioactive, however, so Lemmy now has the powers of Storm (the lady from X-men).

Lemmy flew up high and produced rain and thunder. "I AM STRONG!!!" he said.

Someone pulled a homer by...

a lemmy drove through trying to imitate a hemi, ;P

by dumb_lem continuing a sentence in a way that made no sense. But no one cared, because Lemmy was driving his car on a thin red line, breaking all the rules of "Mind Your Step" and "Lemming Drops" at the same time. "What an awesome level!" Lemmy shouted.

But it wasn't awesome. Soon, Lemmy fell down the thin red line and crashed into the floor. Lemmy got up and walked. Soon, he escaped the level.

The name of the level was: "The Thin Red Line (Colorblind)", which was made by Insane Steve.

Lemmy walked out and saw a crowd of people. Then he pulled a homer by...

(Look on "www.urbandictionary.com" if you're looking for the meaning of "Pull a homer.")

buying pizza. He then tapped the pizza with a stick. The pizza went up into the air. Then Lemmy was attacked by fighter jets. He got out a gun and filled it with pepperoni from his pizza. Then he fired at the jets. He brought two down, but the last one shot right through his pizza. Lemmy began to fall but hit something solid.

That something solid was a level. A level called "Oh No More Lemmings Bonus - All Levels In One!"

And he could not escape without beating it. "F*CK!" he shouted.

So he got out his cell phone and called his stunt double to do it for him. Bob was his name. Bob came and went into the level. Lemmy camped out for many nights on te level, until suddenly, one night, the level disappeared. "I guess Bob won," Lemmy said. He was falling through the sky again. He looked down and screamed. He was about to fall in a...

colatronosyphatridiouscanatialdrafordiunicapiumithyteagainianer pond. Colatronosyphatridiouscanatialdrafordiunicapiumithyteagainianer was a substance similar to water, except deadly to any lemming who touches it.

Lemmy fell in and died. Fortunately, there were other "legends" to continue on the story.

The team that had once saved Lemmingland had just regrouped, ready to destroy Paggot, the ultimate terror. They located and challenged Paggot, and got totally PWNED. If it wasn't for Steaver carrying a few Phoenix Downs(if you aren't familiar with FF, Phoenix Downs are items that bring dead characters back to life), it would have been like "Game Over".

After a quick retreat, Steaver E-Mailed G3K a picture of a Game Over screen. G3K replied saying...

"HI"

The alien being known only as Ted, who had reincarnated, was watching all of this with interest. A sly grin snuck across his features, and he decided to play a trick on all involved. He started hacking busily.

Lemmy never stayed dead for long. It was something highly annoying to his enemies, but Lemmy found it quite thrilling. Except for times like this, when he woke up bound hand and foot over a lava pit.

Lemmy screamed and then puked as the rope tightened.  :x The puke eliminated the lava, and disintegrated the rope. He jumped down and ran away. First he was running, and then he was suddenly inside a prison cell with the heroes. "What's happened?" Lemmy asked. Someone yelled, "#!%$ you, Ted! You got us into this #!%#ing mess, and when we're out, we'll #!%$ing kill you!" Lemmy soon relealized he'd been teleported by Ted. He start to think of a plan...

. The plan was to stop other members in this forum from putting bad words (even if they're censored) in the story, because they're annoying.

So Lemmy told them to stop swearing, and they yelled, "NOOOOOO! NEVER!!!" and ran through the wall of the prison. "Wow, that was easy," Lemmy said. He ran out the hole in the prison.
BOOM!
Lemmy heard a bang behind him. He turned around and saw Ted. "Hahahahaha!" Ted laughed, "You know how I'll kill you? I'll...

slice you, dice you, roast you, and then feed you to the multicolored pigs! Hah!"
"Blast," Lemmy muttered. "That is way past uncool."
Ted cracked up for a few minutes, and then dragged Lemmy over to a large blue machine, and started shoving him into it.

But one chameleon rescued Lemmy in a split second. It was Espio!

B)'s clobbered all in existence.

that is, until the  :P 's clobbered all the  B) 's and brought back all life. Lemmy turned up and ran down the road, and got hit by a car...

After 3 months in the hospital he came out wanted to eat some ice cream.

But Ice Cream was banned from Oblivion Castle, so the  :P's had to stay outside while they ate it.

The dragon, regardless of its intellect, was still a dragon. And so it killed them all.

Lemmy, meanwhile, had been stalking through the town, holding a firearm over one arm, and a cutlass in the other. He shouted challenges to everybody he passed in a rough and alien tongue.
Eventually, somebody decided to take him up on it...

They kicked lemmy in the head and Lemmy went back to the hospital.

But just before the kick connected, Lemmy inserted a dagger into the challenger's head, causing retardation, but for some reason, not death.

Lemmy stared in horror. "What have I done? I meant only to kill, not to maim!" he gasped. Then, with a shrug, he drove the dagger into the challenger's heart. "That's done with," he remarked, waving his blade around to ward off the people from the hospital. "I am so glad that you want me back to stay with you, but you see, I need it not!"

"But you shall, O fine lemming!" cried the lead docter and with that he seized up a long and wicked scalpel and thrust it into Lemmy, yelping with glee as it grated on his ribs.

Lemmy let out a horrid scream and crumpled forwards. He barely managed to gasp out "I... I killed him..." and then all went black for him.

When next he woke...

up. Lemmy saw Espio, and some Espio-decorated bandages.

"Es... Espio" Lemmy groaned "You... You're my only... Friend... Left... In this... World..." His hand feebly groped for something, but he had no streangth left.

"You're almost right. That orange-seller there is your friend, too. But I knwo you. In the next post you'll kill both of us." said Espio. Espio gave him an orange. Oranges are Lemmy's power fruits. When he eats an orange, all his powers are rewoked. Lemmy stood up and...

and ate the orange. "YES!" he roared, throwing back the covers. "I FEEL YOUNG AGAIN!"
They looked at each other. "I didn't know -" Espio began, but Lemmy cut him off with another roar, and flung the hard rind of the orange at the orangeseller. It connected squarely with his head, and he fell over quite dead.
Lemmy laughed, and leaned in close to Espio. His breath smelled suspiciously of twinkies. "Espio, m'friend, m'old pal," he hissed. "I'm going to be RICH! And you --" he pointed a shaking finger at Espio -- "are merely going to be dead! You will die! All in this universe will die! Except ME!"
Lemmy knocked Espio over, and charged out, humming an obscure song as he ripped the bandages off of his arms.

Lemmy was about to blow up the universe, when the words "Game Over" came up on his computer screen. He thought "Where have I seen game over before?". G3K appeared and laughed at Lemmy, then said "Nothing says ''You Suck'' better than a Game Over screen!", then disappeared.

Lemmy was so horrified. He had been trying for months to beat his "Destroy The Universe" RPG game, and got game over. Because his mother had eaten his hard drive, he couldn't load his saved game either, and he had to start again!

Lemmy cursed his mother vilely for chewing up his harddisc. He ranted, raved, and eventually fell down with a grinding sound on his own keyboard, with his fists sticking through the screen of his monitor. He muttered something low in his throat about feeling the electronic impulses, and then he was somehow sucked into the digital world...

momentarially, before being blasted out into the fireplace, and being burned to death.

On the other side of Lemmings Universe, he was reborn as a lemming of the Polar tribe.

Sadly, (for Lemmy) the Polar Tribe where suffering heavy casualties at that time, and as Lemmy's foot slipped on the rock face, he...

fell head-first into icy cold water. This came as somewhat of a shock to poor Lemmy, and he screamed and floundered around in the water for quite some time, until he figured out he actually wasn't dying. He took a few seconds to reflect on this, and then dived down under the water. He saw looming up ahead of him, a ship covered with...

nasty little skeletons. The horrid creatures dived at him, shouting strangled cries through their rotting throats. Lemmy ran for his life.

"Aiee! Skeletons that still have throats!" Lemmy screamed. "I cannot - comprehend - so dark - so - so -" muttering dark, broken thoughts, he plunged into the ocean again.
His vision went dark for a few seconds, and then it cleared. Horrible, dark shapes loomed and reared out of the darkness in front of him, and he thought he could hear gibbering noises surrounding him. His hands groped uselessly for some way to hold on to something. He was quite certain he was drowing again.
And then throughout the hellish landscape, a change occured...

and, to his profound horror, Lemmy realized he was really in the docking bay of the Skaarj mothership! He screamed a scream of pure dread and horror.

He also flailed his arms out backwards, and in zero g, this propelled him out into space. He almost died from panic, but then he realized he was somehow wearing a spacesuit. "Nifty," he remarked. Something bumped against him. It was...

nothing. Why? Because Lemmy is bored of this story, so he jumped out the book, hit the author, and created the story himself.

Lemmy got a Yu-gi-oh card.

He said "I hate Yu-gi-oh" and tore it up. But then the creature in the card attacked him!

"No!" he shouted. "Why me? Why am I always being attacked by twisted, depraved, and hellish monsters? Why am I consigned to having demon powers for only a short time, to have them ripped from me again? WHY?!"
While he was raging, the thing had time to scuttle away, and it camed back with...

the body of the author in it's scaly little claws. It waved the dead author around under Lemmy's nose.

Mr. T suddenly appeared, proclaiming that it was "hammertime".

He was wearing an orange shirt and khaki pants. Soon, game-over screens surrounded him and attacked him. Then he was wearing khaki shirt, khaki shorts, khaki stockings, brown shoes, and a topee. He looked so ugly that he commited suicide and blood came out of himself.

However, a doctor rushed up and saved the poor little blighter's life. Then a grim faced judge came in and said 'Suicide is a crime punishable with death'

"But that's ridiculous!" Lemmy protested. "If I kill myself, I'm, like, dead! You can't punish that with death! It's reduntant, and, and..." he started panting and wheezing. The judge stared at him.
"Suicide is a crime punishable with death," the judge grated again. Lemmy noticed a distinctly metallic edge to his voice now, and started to get suspicious. He reached one paw up, and grabbed hold of the judge's face --

*404 FACE NOT FOUND*

Lemmy's jaw dropped. "N-no... el diablo..." he gasped, turned, and fled.
Eventually he tripped and fell flat on his face. It seemed to him like he was doing that an awful lot. And then he looked up, and saw...

Xan Kriegor.
"Howdy! You want some coffee?"

"Xan Kriegor?" Lemmy stared in disbelief. "Dude, I've been severely injured, I'm on death's door, and you offer me coffee?"
"It's dosed."
"Dosed? Look, I've had enough of weirdos coming in and offering me weird things after weird stuff has happened to me, and I --" he broke down and started panting again.
"Don't have an aneurysm," Xan told him, and vanished with a bounding leap, leaving the questionable coffee behind.
Lemmy stared at the coffee, reached out a hand, and...

cursed violantly as Xan came back, snatched the coffee away, and poured it down a little hatch in his right arm.
"That hits the spot!" the robot high champion cried, firing a flak cannon into the judge, who was closing behing at that moment.
"Xan! You stole my coffee! You killed the judge! You wrecked my life!" Lemmy shreiked, on the edge of a breakdown.
"Yes, yes, yes, and no. I am Xan, I did steal your coffee, I did kill the judge, but I did not wreck your life. You did that yourself. Possess the right. Only then can one recive the gifts of Knowledge, wisdom, and peace."
"**** You! I'm lying on the ground bleeding to death and you qoute Yoshi to me?"
"Yep"

Lemmy's vision blurred and swam. He was completely certain this had happened to him many times before, all of them recent. He was also sure his last sight would be Xan's face above him.
"My life... I won't hold out much longer!" he gasped, trying to claw his way to his feet, but not managing. "Do me... one favor..."
There was no reponse. Lemmy coughed up blood. "Burn my... body..."
He sank down to the ground, and was certain he was dead.

He wasn't. He did wake again. He was in a...

dream. his life was flashing before him through blurred vision and then suddenly he saw his own body on the ground and realised he was lifting out of it. soon he found himself in a white room with a disembodied voice in it. " do you wish for a second chance to vanquish your enemy, xan?"

lemmy agreed to try to earn his life back permanently by destroying his enemy.

He realized, as soon as he woke up, that this was a foolish idea. He likely would not be able to defeat Xan Kriegor.
"Worth a try!" he said, cheerfully, and bolted from his bed to find Xan.

Xan was wating in the doorway with a flak cannon.
"Hah! Looks like you beat the reaper!" he cried "Well now, this is hardly fair, me with a flak cannon and you... You with only your hands! Hah!"

Lemmy went to Donkey Kong Country B) and then recruited some help.  He got Diddy, Donkey, Dixie, and K. Rool #1 & #2, and came back.  K. Rool #1 jumped around and threw giant cannon balls at Xan while running around like a giant retard.  K. Rool #2 used his advanced X238-LON gun to shoot reversed control, freeze, and slow clouds at Zan.  This really messed him up.  Then Dixie Kong slapped Xan.  It didn't do much.  Diddy ran around Xan in circles, confusing him.  Donkey went plain old right up to Xan and started whaling on him.  Then K. Rool #2 Launched 1' diameter spiked steel balls at Xan.  In short: Xan was toast.

timballisto posted right before i did so just add this on to the post before timballisto's.


Lemmy tackled xan and while xan was sitting there realizing that he had just been tackled by a weak fool half his size, lemmy took the flak cannon from him.
"looks like the tables have turned, i have you pinned on the ground with a flak cannon aimed at you!" proclaimed lemmy . suddenly, xan  changed his robotic arm (i think xan is a robot, am I right?) in to a mortar cannon and blasted a huge mortar bomb right by his left shoulder singeing him. lemmys vision started to blur and the world started to blur."NOOOO! not again!" shouted lemmy as he saw xan charging him with a mace in hand.
lemmy knew he would have to think fast. he grabbed the mace handle right before xan swung it, and swung over xan's head  at this point lemmys vision was beginning to clear up, he tripped xan and while xan was falling, grabbed the mace and to finish him off , lemmy swung the mace as hard as he could at xans head.
there was an explosion as the mace got halfway through the head piece and as he was flying through the air and his vision was blurring again he thought
"whoa!i must've hit the gas tank or something!well i did what i needed to do to live, i thought fast,UGH!"lemmys thoughts were brought to a sudden and abrupt stop .

"Oh the humanity!" said Lemmy.

He plunged to the ground and lost all consciousness. He was now alone, and when he awoke, he did not know his location. He was standing on a red rock, surrounded by streetlights. The lights swung down onto Lemmy's head, cracking it open.

"D-doctor!" Lemmy gasped, feebly groping around for something to pull himself to his feet on. Then he collapsed.

When he came to, he was in the hospital again.

"You again?" The doctor cried "I've had enough of you!"

"But... head... streetlamp... fallen..." Lemmy muttered. He felt decidely unwell, and he didn't think the doctor was doing anything about it. "Lawsuit!" he shreiked, propping himself up on his elbows. "Sue... if you don't... heal me!" he fell down with a dramatic gasp.
The doctor shrugged. "I have a good lawyer. I have money to spare. And I hate you --- aawwwaaghk!" he roared, plunging forwards on his face with a bullet in his back.
"Now how'm I gonna get healed?" Lemmy muttered, looking around for the doctor's killer. It was...

Xan Kriegor.
"Care for some coffee?"

"Nooooo!" Lemmy yelled. "Not you again!" but he snatched the coffee up and quickly guzzled it, and tossed the cup away.
"Now... why are you here?" he wanted to know.
There was no answer right away. Then...

Lemmy clutched at his pelvis in horror as a sensation like burning oil flowed through his body. When it was over, Lemmy was holding his pelvis in his hands, and Xan was looking at him oddly.
"AAARRRGGGHHH!" Lemmy roared "WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY?!?" he hurled the pelvis at Xan, but it bounced offf the robot's thick metal hide.

suddenly xan dissapeared in a mist of light and where the hologram used to be there was a speaker, "I'll get you someday lemmy, when you least expect it."

Lemmy had defeated Xan, but his head was still cracked open. He went to find another hospital.

But none of them would except him. The League of Doctors had him drummed out of town.

And because of the suffering, Lemmy had bloodshed.

But hope was not over for Lemmy.

Correction: It was.

He came back, of course. Why wouldn't he?

He wouldn't, because those people did lots of malicious actions that made Lemmy have bloodshed. But Lemmy returned for...

Revenge!

"I'LL HURT YOU ALL!!!" said Lemmy with a big bang. But the people didn't say anything, because there were no storylines. "No more storylines? Sigh, this is tedious."

But then the storyline returned and Lemmy started firing a machine gun at people. Everyone died except Lemmy.

Suddenly the gun turned to Reverse Fire and hit Lemmy. His head was cracked open. He returned to the hospital again.

But they refused to take him in as a patient again. Lemmy was desperate, and then talked them into it by saying, "If I'm your patient, I have to pay you a lot, right? If yu don't take me, you'll get less money..." the hosptial sewed his head shut, and he went off again into the world.

He found a jar of Lemmy's blood. Lemmy drank it (EEW!!!) and got his blood back.

However, he found out it wasn't really his blood. He had to go to the hospital again.

"Excuse me, please. My blood-class is AA+. Do you have any conserves (I wonder if conserves is the right word)? It would be better you have, because with AB- blood it isn't easy to live and when I'm angry I often kill people."

Lemmy randomly lost his temper and killed a retarded chicken. Then a Game Over screen popped up in front of him. He was asked if he would like to continue.

But he said no. He had had enough of this computer game, "The Hospital", and wanted to get back into the real world. But then he heard of this new game, called "Streetlight Wars", so he went and bought it.

He installed it on his hard drive, and started playing, only to be greeted by an error message, "You are too gay to play this game."

Lemmy was pissed. He had spent $149.99 on a game, only to find out he was too gay to play it. He started smashing it, when a thought entered his head. "Since when was I gay anyway?" he thought. "Uh-oh. I forgot. Ymmel was actually a boy. SH*T!" he said out loud.

So he grabbed a knife, and slit his wrists, multiple times. "I wanna f-ckin die!" he kept telling himself.

(STEAVER!!!!!)

So Lemmy went to Xan to be killed, for he was sure that the great one could do it.

"So, kid, why all the blood running out of your wrists?" Xan asked him.
Lemmy jumped. "I didn't see you." then he looked down. "Oh, hey! There is a lot of blood! Perhaps I shall die on my own! Cool! Ah yes. I was trying to kill myself, because a random urge seized me, and a killed some dumb bird and got myself hospitalized again.
And that wasn't all. I bought a really dumb game, and it started inefectually insulting me. Except I took it badly and tried to kill myself."
He paused and looked around, and then he wondered where Xan went. He wasn't anywhere around.
Lemmy shrugged. He was standing in a puddle of blood. "I shall die," he said.

"No you won't, kid" said Xan's voice "Your demonic side is taking over, and you are becoming a demon"
"What!?" Lemmy shrilled "Xan! Xan, old buddy! You can't... You can't..."
"Why not Lemmy? Your demonic side is STRONG!"

"Yes!" Lemmy bellowed. "STRONG! I feel strong again! The blood -- the blood -- it is fueling my EVIL POWERS!" he roared with laughter, ripping the bandages off of himself and dancing around in his blood.
" P sychotic demons! Hear me now!" he screamed. "I take the blood oath! I take it! Hah! Now, today, I fight beside you to --" he tripped and fell flat on his face.
"This happens to me too much," he muttered. "DEMONS! I SAID --"
He slid in his blood, and pitched over a railing. It looked like he would be falling a long way.
And then...

Edit - :Psychotic demons? O_o

'p' turns into  ;P, for whatever reason.

He hit the bottom with a thud. He was dead. He felt a strange sence of...
"I've DONE SOMETHING!" Lemmy roared.
"You're not dead, kid" Xan remarked.
"Stop calling me kid, you walking trashcan!'

"Walking trashcan? I'll walking trashcan you!" Xan roared, and stalked off.
Lemmy stared. "Oh man," he said. "I am a trashcan."
Then he managed to disbelieve the illusion (oddly enough, since he had believed it a few seconds ago) and wondered how Xan had managed to do that.
"I thought you were a robaaaaaaaaat!" Lemmy shouted, plunging even farther down the building.

"**** it kid," Xan snarled, catching Lemmy "Why do you think that robots are stupid?!" Xan pulled out a heavy tome marked 'My Spellz'.
"This is my spellbook" Xan told Lemmy.
"That? That looks like a sticker collection. And you can't even spell"
"AAARGGH!" Xan bellowed "That's it! I spent 500 hundred years making this book! And I won't see it insulted by the likes of you!"

There was a breif sensation of hot flak puncturing his flesh, and then Lemmy knew no more.

Of course, he woke up in the hospital. "You are our best customer!" a grinning doctor was saying. "We make millions on bringing you back to life! You are our best customer! We don't ever want to fix you completely! We want more money!"
Lemmy snarled with pure rage, and hurled the doctor across the room. With a hoarse growl growing deep in his throat, Lemmy charged panting from the room.
He ran smack into Xan.
"No..." Lemmy moaned. "I'm, uh, like, totally sorry about the spellbook thing, dude. But I, ya know, couldn't, like, tell the difference, dude!" he shouted.
"Stop talking gibberish."
"Gibberish? Gibberish! Man, this is wonderful stuff!" Lemmy bellowed, twirling his false mustachios with one finger. He wondered where he had gotten those. "Probably that blasted doctor guy," he muttered.
"He's dead."
"Who's dead?" Lemmy asked.
"Sam."
"SAM?!"
"Yes, Sam's dead."
"SAM?!" Lemmy's jaw dropped in disbelief, and he stared slack-jawed at Xan.
"Yes! Sam!"
"Sam..." Lemmy's voice trailed off, and he slumped lifelessly to the floor.
"That was weird," a passerby remarked. "DOCTOR! DOCTOR! The patient has died again!"

And then...

"This," the doctor declared "Is getting on my nerves. Xan Kreigor, will you lead the pateint to your roach motel?"
"Yep"
"Roach motel? I didn't think you had one!" Lemmy snarled in rage.
"Calm down, kid. It's a phrase"
"PHRASE? How dare you 'phrase' me?"
"Easy. What daring would that take?"
"I will teach you!"
"I await the lesson."
And then Lemmy sprang up and slashed a long jagged tear through Xan's book.
Xan stared at it with a lost a dejected look, and then he looked up at Lemmy.
"Lemmy, you ruined it. 500 years of work. Gone in a single instant."
"It had to be done, Xan"
"You won't come back thise time" Xan promised grimly, and he...

carved Lemmy up with his green shaft. Lemmy died, in a horrible and agonizing way.

Unfortunately for Xan (and Lemmy), he did come back. When he awoke again in the hospital, he screamed loudly for a few minutes, until one of the patients crawled up to his bed.
"What's'a matter, lemmin'?" he asked, in a horrid nasal tone.
"Errr..." Lemmy panted hoarsely. "Kriegor... he'll... be the death of me! His... book! I ... I was wrong in... defiling... the masterpiece!" he fell over backwards.
"That wasn't the real thing anyhow," Xan said. "That was a fake. Hah!"
"What?" Lemmy asked. "A fake? Then... why did you kill me for it?"

"Your mother told me to do it"

"Her again!" Lemmy shreiked. "She haunts my dreams! She makes a nightmare of my life! She wants me dead! Why, oh why me? Why?!" and he broke down sobbing in an overblown fashion into the bedclothes.
Xan dispensed with the crawling man while Lemmy put in his display of emotion - or lack thereof.
"I drank my blood, Xan," Lemmy said. "And it was fun. It makes me feel good."
"You are becoming a vampire now," Xan told him.
"Wonderful," Lemmy replied. "I can be both vampire and demon?"
"No, you can only be one or the other."
"Curses, foiled again!" Lemmy cried. Then he grew wings and flew off.
"Lemmy's grown wings!" somebody shouted.
"Evil! Stronger! Yes!" Lemmy shreiked, and charged away on the night air.

"Your dark side is taking over, Lemmy" a blue bird with a long beak told him "You must buy the book"

"What book?" Lemmy asked. But then, because he had no wisdom whatesoever, he plunged on with a shrug. "Yes, certainly, I'll buy it! I hid all my money in a safe near my house. You can just take however much it costs and then give me the book."
And the flew on, oblivious to the fact that the bird would probably steal all of his wordly posessions.

"That was really stupid, kid. Good thing for you, I already took all your money. Here it is... $15,076 in stolen cash." Xan Kriegor told him, handing over the box of money.
"That's not all mine. I only ever had $11,731 in stolen cash," Lemmy insisted "And also, how did you find me? I didn't think you could fly"
Xan held up his spellbook, and showed it to Lemmy.
"I cast the 'fly' spell. du-uuhh"
"Xan, you are really getting on my nerves," Lemmy snarled "Why don't you just stick to UT?"
"I like you, Lemmy" Xan told Lemmy "You'll go far!"
He whipped out a rocket launcher and blasted lemmy with it. He flew backwards in time. When he woke up, he was sitting on the floor, and Xan Kriegor was talking to a lemming. Lemmy walked over to the lemming and hit it on the nose, but it didn't seem to notice him. Then he saw Xan shoot the lemming. With a shock, Lemmy realized it was himself! He screamed and tore at his hair, but he couldn't seem to do anything. Then the mocking words 'KEEP YOUR HAIR ON, MR. LEMMING!' floated up before his face. He flowed forward in time like an eel.
"hey'ya Lemmy" growled a little green alien "Looks like Xan really messed up yer mind"
"You... You fight... Fight like Nali!" Lemmy stuttered, slurping from a large pitcher of a strange yellow fluid.
"Err?" the alien growled "Me Krall. Me not Nali."
"Uhh..." Lemmy growled "Me Krall. Me not Lemming... Err, Hah hah hah"
"You weird. Goodbye." The alien stalked out the door.
"uhh..." Lemmy moaned, and suddenly he laughed until soda exploded from his nose.

After guzzling the remainder of his soda, Lemmy stared after the green alien. "Come... back here! I no finish yet! Yo yo yo!" he roared, waving his arms around in the air.
Then he dived under a bench and strapped himself to an iron pillar, and awaited the inevitable with a smile on his face.

Then he ate 5 ice cream cakes, which did not make him fat, but made him mutated, because the cakes are radioactive.

then an infomercial said, "buy new radon water. for that healthy glow, drink radioactive water."

Then Lemmy bought some and drank it, so he illuminated, but then...



KABOOM!!!!


He spotaneously combusted into pieces. But then he got fixed in the emergency room, and was on a wheelchair. "I WILL KILL THE MAKER OF THAT RADIOACTIVE WATER!!!!!" he said.

lemmy was on the side walk walking alogn in downtown looking for the maker of the radioactive water when he noticed something was very wierd but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. then it hit him. the sidewalks had filled up with xan kriegors wandering around like they had places to go and didn't even notice lemmy.

Lemmy soon reached the Palace of Death, where the maker lives. Lemmy went inside, avoided all death traps, and soon found the maker.

"Hello, Lem-lem!" said the maker. "Long time no see!" Then he turned around. The maker was...

Xan!

"Xan? Why?" said Lemmy. "This explosion makes you kill the demon power." said Xan.

He hit one on the shoulder.
"I AM NOT XAN KRIEGOR I AM KRALL" the robot intoned.
"Hmmm.... True." Lemmy remarked, and left the clone to it's work.
He ran into the real Xan Kriegor.
"Hi. Have you tried my radioactive water yet?" Xan asked him.
"IT'S YOU?!"

yes i have tried your water, it's horrible, and robots of yours came to my house on sunday and stole my coffee ........again  :'( >:(

"I'm sorry. It had to be done" The robot told him "But hey, life is good! Have some radioactive water!"

lemmy drank the water and said."it's really good the secon time you try it."

"Cool. You wanna take a third try?" Xan asked him "That'll be $13.99"
"Sure," Lemmy handed him the money, and drank it all down "SAY! This is good!"

"Really? Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow (x999)" Then Lemmy ripped out his hair and kicked the robot Xan, then made the whole palace...

EXPLODE! KABOOM!!!

And Xan (the real Xan) was ordering takeout from Mcdonald's so he could eat with his best buddy Lemmy.

"I wanna lifetime supply of this stuff!"

said lemmy

"well at the rate you drink this stuff(remember it does have radiation in it)you'll be dead in two weeks."xan said.

So Lemmy drank it and he will never die in two weeks. Then the two of them ran around, and had fun with each other. They had a happy life together. Ahh...

then two weeks later they got a computer for the palace.

Which Xan built a week ago. Lemmy was an orphan, so Xan adopted him and they became brothers.

this relationship didn't last very long because xan kept stealing lemmy's coffee.

This weirded out a lot of people, including Lemmy and Xan, for Lemmy had not realized that Xan had conflicting personalities before. However, one day his mother showed up at the door.
"LEMMMYYY!" She shreiked.
"Hi. I'm Xan Kriegor. I'm Lemmy's brother" The robot greeted her "I was just heading off to the Unrea Tournament, so make it quick"

So they ran there and watched.

"xan has been saving up your coffee for the last twelve years to make and destroy you with a huge coffee missile.

" said his mother. His mother got mad and tried to kill Lemmy, but then she ended up exploding. Lemmy's mother is actually...

A RROOBBOOTT!!!!

Xan killed Clanlord in the match.
"Hey Lemmy! How was the match?"

"Fine, buddy!" said Lemmy. Then the two of them went home.

"YOU PLAN TO SHOOT COFFEE MISSILES AT ME?!"

said Xan's guard, who was very dumb. "NO, DUMMY!" said Xan. Then he twisted the guard and squeezed his lemon juice out, because Xan's guard is a big ugly lemon.

"yup.how'd you know that?"

said Lemmy. "That lemon...he's dumb!" said Xan. "His name is Mr. Lemon." "What a dumb name!" said Lemmy.

"yes i know. i made him a lemon."

lemmy was suddenly very confused.

The two of them went inside and had dinner.

While they were eating a plane flew through the roof. Inside the plane were two people Lemmy hadn't seen for years...

Sonic the Hedgehog and Starfox. Lemmy was horrified. "You! I thought I killed you years ago!"
"You did," Xan said, casually pouring coffee into the same hatch he'd used before. "I brought 'em back to plague you."
"The world has it in for me," Lemmy moaned. "All wish to kill me!"
"Quite right," Sonic and Starfox chorused.
"Oh, did I mention? I also made them into mindless killing machines."
"Noooo!" Lemmy shouted, and dived...

out the window. But Xan's Coffee Missle caught him in the back before he had gone far, and stretched him out on the ground.

"My poor young friend," Xan lamented, casually chucking Lemmy's body out the window. "Death to the disbeliever!" Lemmy shrilled on his way out.
"You're not dead after all, are you? Well, I shall fix that," Xan proclaimed, and shot Lemmy through the heart with a shock rifle.
Lemmy fell very far into an icy blue ocean. When he resurfaced, the world seemed to have changed. "How long have I been here?" he wondered.
Then he heard a metallic scraping behind him, and ...

A little green Lemming came up to the surface.
"Me water Lemming. Me not Krall" it stated.
"Err..." Lemmy snarled, for he had a feeling that this had happened before "Me Krall. Me not Lemming"
"No, You Lemming. Me Krall." the Lemming stated.
"You Lemming. Me Krall" Lemmy said through gnashing teeth.

"You right. You Krall. You die." the odd Lemming twirled a tridant around in flambouyant style, and was about to slice Lemmy's head off, when he suddenly darted forwards and jumped into the water.
"Whaaa? You stupid. You drown. Me kill you."
"No!" Lemmy screamed. "I am the Grand Intellect! You will not destroy me! You will not destroy LIFE!" he grabbed the tridant, twisted it, and plunged it into the heart of the Lemming.

"...buh?"

Lemmy stared in horrified fascination as the Lemming melted into the ground, making odd 'buh' noises as it went.
"Such power exists! And I, yes, I control it!" he exulted, and pounded the tridant into the ground, a vicious grin spreading itself across his face.
"No, you don't, kid..."

said a towering figure. Dr. Robotnik, in his Eggmobile, was tossing a Gamecube. "I do." The Gamecube emitted a strange noise, and video game characters spilled out. He assembled all the heroes and enemies into a group and yelled, "KILL THAT LEMMING!" Lemmy, at the last minute, blew a whistle, and a bunch of lemmings swooped down from nowhere-- the Save our Lemmings Squad. They were ready to help Lemmy in a huge battle. All the characters dived at Lemmy, and the battle began.

Except for one person - Xan. Xan was the spectator, and he wanted Lemmy to win the battle.

And then, just as it was a tie,

Team Gamecube: 34
Team Lemming: 34

Then Xan Kriegor jumped out of the shadows, joined team Lemming, and shot the leader of team Gamecube dead. Team Lemming won.
"This isn't over yet, Lemmy!" Robotnik cried, dinking into the floor on a elevatar.
"You owe me one, kid" Xan remarked.

Then Dr. Robotnik flew away, but crashed into: "The Cliff of Oblivion." He fell down and then randomly lost 80% of his memory.

Meanwhile, Xan and Lemmy signed up in the Lemmings Forum. What they did was...

I thought "what the hell, may as well illustrate it"

EDIT: Extra points if you can name all the characters.

I'm guessing the ship belongs to Starfox. The fox is pretty obviously Tails.
The Lemming would be Lemmy...

I think one of them is Pacman, and I have no idea about the other two.

But there was a mistake, and Xan Kriegor misspelled his name, and Lemmy signed up as DeadLemming2004.

Nobody seemed to notice. Lemmy took it into his head to use a coffee mug as his avatar. Fortunately, Xan averted this minor catastrophe by unplugging and then viciously smashing the computer Lemmy had been using. Other than being bitter for weeks, Lemmy recovered nicely.
And then...

Lemmy signed up again from a bomb shelter, and did it again.

"A curse upon you, yon wretched Lemming!" Xan cried, and flunge Lemmy into a stasis chamber.
"Heh," he said. Then he stalked away, leaving the chamber on a time delay - Lemmy was supposed to emerge after twenty years.
However...

As he was leaving, Xan's foot slipped and he fell into the stasis chamber.

Weirdly, this caused a malfunction of the overload variety, and both of them were released.
"You!" Xan said. "I thought I put you in stasis years ago!"
"You did," Lemmy replied. "And then you made the mistake of - TRIPPING THE SWITCH! Hah hah hah hah HAH!"
Lemmy grabbed a nearby hanglider and flung himself headlong from the roof.
He plunged very far, yet again, and hit his nose on a...

Big rock. His small amount of sense was nocked out of him.

Meanwhile, Xan was eating out at an Ice Cream joint.
(For those of you who don't know, Xan Kriegor is the guy from my avatar)

Lemmy started singing something about daisies and potatoes, and he staggered over to the icecream joint. "I wanna a large... chocolate cone!" he gasped, waving one arm around in the air. "And make it - quick! Yes, quick is the word! Ho ho!"
The clerk looked at him oddly, but gave him his icecream, which he noisily slurped up. Then he left without paying.
"Weird customers tonight, eh?" Xan asked the clerk. "You bet!" they said, staring at Lemmy, who was stalked away with a knife held in front of him with two hands, and chanting in a low moaning voice.

He then sacraficed what was left of his icecream cone.

When they returned, Lemmy read his e-mail to find a game-over screen from the game: The Legend of Zelda. "What? A game over screen?" he said, with shock. Then he read the message, which says:

Dear Lemmy,

YOU BETRAYED ME! I, YOUR BEST FRIEND, HATE XAN, AND YOU LIKE HIM AND YOU BECAME HIS BROTHER! WE ARE THROUGH!  >:(  >:(  >:( This game-over screen should teach you a big lesson!

From Lemmalot

Lemmy started to cry. He replied by saying:


Dear Lemmalot,

:spam:

From Lemmy

Hello? Anyone there?

Yes. Me.

But Xan ran the mail server, and found the incoming mail.
"You were friends with that fool?" Xan asked Lemmy.

[Actually, no. I was at the theatre all day yesterday, all of the evening the day before that, and most of today.]

"Weeell..." Lemmy said, shifting from foot to foot. "In a manner of speaking, yes. BUT THAT IS ALL OVER NOW!" he roared, suddenly springing on top of the table and pumping his arm up and down in the air.
"Right then," Xan said. "I just sent him fifty seperate peices of hatemail. I know you won't care!"
"Wha--?! Oh, ho ho, hah hah!" Lemmy gasped, and started screaming with laughter. "Hatemail! That's GOOD!"
"Not really. It's bad. And he thinks you sent it."
"Oh," said Lemmy.

But then Lemmalot replied:

Dear Lemmy,

:spam: :spam: :spam:

From Lemmalot

With a primal snarl, Lemmy blocked his former friend. "Xan!" he shouted.
"I'm still here, kid."
"Kill him! Please! I want to see him -- DEAD!" Lemmy crunched his mouse in one hand, a grimace of pure evil alighting on his face.
"Done," Xan said, and left.

(Lemmalot's a she.)

But then Lemmy's "girlfriend" Lemmy'ka (not Lem'ka!) sent him a message, saying:

Dear Lemmy,

I heard you killed Espio. Why? You are too rude enough to do it! You're like Garfield in Garfield the Movie! Please stop it! Or else:

PUNISHMENT!

From your girlfriend,
Lemmy'ka

Lemmy blocked her. He got so mad! But then his father sent him a message, saying:

Dear Lemmy,

I heard that you have become friends with Xan Kriegor. I hope this is just a bad rumor.

Dad

Lemmy snarled in pure rage and shot the computer screen until little sands began pouring out of it. He spent the next hour wondering what they where. Then Xan came home.
"Hi. I brought you the head of Lemmalot."
"OH THANK YOU XAN! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!"
"No problem."
"I want you to kill Lemmy'ka too"
"OK. I never did like her."
So Xan went out and shot Lemmy'ka. Then he came home, and...
"Hi. I brought you the head of Lemmy'ka."
"OH THANK YOU XAN! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!"
"No problem."
"I want you to kill my fathar too"
"OK. I never did like him."
And when that was done...

Xan felt surprised, because Lemmy's father is an actual robot. And so are the heads of Lemmalot and Lemmy'ka.

"Please kill everyone in the whole world!" said Lemmy. "I can't do that!" said Xan. "Why not?" "Because, your demonic side is growing strong...again!!!" "YES!!! THAT'S RIGHT!!! HAHAHAHA!!!"

Xan was surprised.

"All right then, kid. You know the drill. You kill them. I'll just get some popcorn and watch."
"Sounds like a plan!" Lemmy happily agreed. So Xan grabbed a large bag of popcorn, lounged on Lemmy's sofa, and watched Lemmy go about the process of destroying the world.
Fortunately, Lemmy didn't get very far before his powers started wearing off again. He'd used to much, so he ended up falling over unconscious in front of an ice cream parlor.

He woke up and saw the destruction around him. His evil mood had gone."WHAT. HAVE. I. DONE!!!!!?!?!?!?!" Lemmy scraemed. He dove onto the ground and started pounding the ground, crying like a baby. "How could I have done this!? It's unlemmingish!" He kept this up for hours, and then sobbed, "I must stop myself..." He picked up an old gun and shot himself in the heart. He died and went down to Hell.

But then he woke up in front of the ice cream place, and for a moment, he thought it had all been a dream, but then he saw Xan Kriegor standing there with a large bag of popcorn.
"Good stuff, this." Xan remarked "By the way Lemmy, my tally says you killed 1407 Lemmings in your rampage."
The words come up on the screen:
"Lemmy is WICKED SICK!"
"Lemmy is WICKED SICK!"
"Lemmy is WICKED SICK!"
"Lemmy is WICKED SICK!"
"Lemmy is WICKED SICK!"
"Lemmy is WICKED SICK!"
"Lemmy was looking good till he killed himself"

"Awesome..." Lemmy hissed, his red-glowing eyes riveted to the screen.
"You said it," Xan said. "You should do that more often. We've still got a bit of a population problem," he added, tapping a globe of the world with one metallic finger. "See? If you just bomb these areas, it'll be greatly helped..."
"But I don'wanna save the world! I wanna destroy it!" Lemmy wailed.
"All in due time," Xan replied.

"XAN! I WILL KILL YOU!" said Lemmy. He charged right at Xan when suddenly:

*ERROR: VIRUS IN XAN KREIGOR BECAUSE OF YOU!*

Geez, at least make up your own jokes, Icey.

Okay!  O_O I changed it, cool guy!

Speaking of cool guy...I like it when you call me Icey!

Suddenly, Lemmy thought of what might be happening inside his body! He got the dry heaves.

But he ended up puking the heaves out. Then Xan appeared using his spellbook.

"Hey, Lemmy," said Xan, "I have a Christmas gift for you! Look! It's a pterodactyl fossil!" "WHAT?!" said Lemmy. " That's right! I copied one from the museum!" Suddenly, Knuckles came. "YOU!" said Lemmy, "I THOUGHT YOU WERE IN SAN FRANCISCO!" "Well, not anymore," said Knuckles, "I will banish you to a Cheapo level, which is called Oblivion!"

But Lemmy ended up at home. He logged in the forums, but then he saw a new member, who was Rouge the bat. She's a moderator of the Off-Topic Discussion, too. Lemmy went in there and made a new topic called Two-word story.

DeadLemming2004: Today, as
Xon_Kreigor: we go...
Rouge_The_Bat: DeadLemming, we don't need a two-word story! We already have the five and three word stories! Now, I'll delete this topic, okay?  >:(

(Andi! Can you please delete his wretched chain posted messages?)

So Xan Kriegor hunted Lemmy down, and when he found Lemmy's house, he cut the data cables of Lemmy's computer.

(Hey, apparently I can do that, too :D)

"Data cables cut!" Xan announced, and left the house.

Lemmy stared at his wreck of a computer, and sobbed hearbrokenly into a redstained hankercheif. "It's all over!" he wailed. "No more, no more can I terrorize and be terrorized! It's -- no, no!"
He hurled away the hankercheif, stood up with a bellow, and lurched out the door to steal a comptuer from the library.

(I wanted the "Hello" messages to be deleted too!)

He was still signed in the forums, but found that someone PMed him. He looked inside and saw a message from Rouge_The_Bat. It says:

Greetings Lemmy, sir
I have come to kick your ass
I want you to die

So please eat my shorts
With your last minutes alive
As I raise my knife

I aim it at you
Putting all my energy
Into my next stab

So are you ready
To have your life meet it's end
Goodbye Lemmy, sir

Lemmy asked the Lemming admin to ban Rouge from the board because she sent him a rude haiku. But the administrator wasn't around, so Lemmy replied by saying:

Rouge_The_Bat, why did you send me this? Act like a moderator, would you?

I consider this haiku :spam:.

Tell me: ":sorry:" and tel me you mean it.

Instead the next e-mail Lemmy got contained a lethal virus, and it shut down the computer he had just stolen. Lemmy snarled curses under his breath, and stomped off to become a hermit in the wastelands.
He found Xan waiting for him again.
"This is all YOUR fault!" Lemmy shouted. "You started it! You! You!" he started writhing on the ground and tearing at his hair.

Xan was eating a large bag of popcorn. "It isn't me!" he said. "REALLY?" said Lemmy. " PROVE IT!" "You know who's fault is it?" said Xan. "It's Mario!"

Lemmy screamed in anger, shouting out these words:

:spam: :spam: :spam:

(Not the  :P thing again!)

"Xan! Please! Kill someone for me!" Lemmy cried.
"Sure, kid. Just give me one thing"
"What's that?"
"Your immortal soul"
"No problem. Here it is."
"I want you to kill that ******* Rouge_The_Bat!"
"Sure thing, kid"
So Xan went and killed Rouge_The_Bat.

He came back.
"I've done your dirty work again," Xan declared. "And I think you're growing some wings on your back."
"I am?" Lemmy asked, twisting his neck to look. In fact, he was growing large and batlike wings out of his back.
"Hey! You're right! I am growing wings! Hah hah hah!"
Lemmy flew away.
"Not again," Xan remarked.

Lemmy soon landed in Mario's home. He saw that Mario was the cause of this virus. Lemmy went inside and sucked the blood out of him. Then he ripped out his overalls.  ;P

After that, Lemmy sucked his blood one more time, and Mario died. Unfortunately, he became an unsent. Then Rouge came in as an unsent, too.

"This is bad!" said Lemmy. He flew away back to Xan's Palace. "HELP!" said Lemmy. "Why?" asked Xan. "The ugly overall man Mario and the bat Rouge are coming to kill me! They're unsents!" "No problem, boy!"

But then, a group of lemmings came in the house, with each lemming showing this sign: :spam:

So then Xan revealed that he was really one of the Chaos gods, and he destroyed the ugly overall man Mario and the bat Rouge, as well as the Lemmings.

Lemmy hugged Xan, then Xan apologized to Lemmy for being mean. Lemmy forgived him, and then Xan transformed into a computer. Lemmy then connected into the internet and went to the Lemmings Forums, to see that more members registered: Vector_The_Crocodile, Cream_The_Rabbit, Amy_Rose, Big_The_Cat, and Espio_The_Chameleon.

Lemmy got surprised because Espio was still alive. He got PMed by Vector_The_Crocodile, saying:

Deadlemming2004, I know you are Lemmy. HOW DARE YOU DO THIS TO ESPIO! TELL HIM  :sorry:!

Lemmy replied with:

Vector_The_Crocodile, are you Espio's friend? If so, I will give you an ugly hiss. (hisses on Vector and Espio) Are you happy now? Well, then, boys, until then...we will meet again!  :spam:

Vector was frustrated by the message. He told Espio to PM Lemmy. Espio's PM said:

[I]Hey dude! You wanna go over to P&G and crash their operation?[/I]

"No kidding? I'd love to!" Lemmy shouted happily, and quickly tapped off the message.
Then he punched the monitor, hoping that it would turn back into Xan. Fortunately for him, it didn't just then.
"Hah hah hah! I have the power of the universe! I control the light!" Lemmy shreiked, and pulled on a black dogi and a cloak.
Then he charged out the door to find Espio, without awaiting a reply.

Vector was watching Lemmy and Espio on a screen with Charmy.

(Let's use Lem'ka's story line?)

So Lemmy went over to P&G and hid in a dumpster untill Espio came along, and then he did brain the poor wretch with a lead pipe.

Why did it happen again? Whenever I post, it's not there!

[Happens to the worst - I mean, best of us.]

"Ah, but now we can use you for Mister Body!" Lemmy declared, twisting the pipe around in Espio's skull.
"Chameleon, indeed! How DARE you claim to be such?!" he bellowed.

"Pain... Is the... True...... True cause.... Of.... Life!" Espio muttered, and with that, he died.

With an anguished cry, Lemmy threw away the murder implement, and knelt down next to Espio.
"Espio, Espio!" he moaned. "To think that I have done this to you!"
He put his head in his hands and sobbed brokenly.

"Hey, kid, I hear brains sell well on the black market these days," a voice from behind him said.

Then Espio melted into who he really is...CHAOS! Chaos was the one who said that black market line. Then Vector and Charmy came, carrying the real Espio.

"XAN!" Lemmy cried "You're a chaos god! You can reverse it!
"Errr?" the voice said "Me not Xan. Me Krall."

"Noooo!" Lemmy screamed, falling backwards on the ground and tearing huge clumps of his hair out. "Xan, Xan! You cannot do this to me!"

A voice drifted across Lemmy's mind, and he slipped into a dream in which Xan was standing in a weird room, and his machine oil was dripping of some candles. He had his arms out in front, held over the candles. The voice was singing 'Ground control to Major Tom'.

"Xan?" Lemmy whispered, but his voice sort of echoed across the room nonetheless.
"Lemmy? Can you not see that I am performing the sacrificial rites of the dead right now? As you asked me to do?" Xan inquired.
"Uhh... well, yes," Lemmy bluffed. "I did see that. I'm sorry for interupting you, but --"
"Ah, no problem, no problem at all!" Xan declared, waving an arm around in the air. Hot droplets of machine oil spattered onto Lemmy.
"That hurt," he muttered.
"So, kid, what do you want?" Xan asked.

"Who is Xan?" said Vector. "Yeah, tell me, tell me!" said Charmy. "Xan Kreigor is a robot with amazing powers." said Lemmy. Espio woke up to see Lemmy. Espio then hid behind Vector. "Don't be scared, Espio!" said Vector. "We're Team Chaotix!" Then they did their Team Blast, which was a noisy music band. Lemmy covered his ears while Xan and Krall were blasted away.

"STOP THAT RACKET!" Xan shouted.
"Eh?" the team chorused.
"Errr," the creature hissed "You sing like Nali"
"Errr," the team snarled "We not Team Chaotix. We Krall."

"We're Team Chaotix," said Vector. "He's Krall." "Espio! I HATE YOU!" said Lemmy. "Don't hate people!" said Vector. "And why not?" "Because hating people isn't good!"

"Look! Four aliens are coming!" said Charmy. Then they appeared. "AHHH!!! IT'S THEM AGAN!!!" said Lemmy. "Who?" said Espio, Vector and Xan. "THE TELETUBBIES!"

Then the four teletubbies came. Dipsy and La-la grabbed hold of Vector and Krall, Po kept kissing and hugging Espio and Xan, and Tinky-Winky kept hugging Lemmy and Charmy.

And then it became morning. The sun came and it had a baby face on it. "HEEEEELLLLPPPP!!!!" screamed Lemmy and Charmy.

Lemmy went inside the building, and they tried to sell him a bar of soap with a teletubby face on it.

Meanwhile, Vector, Espio and Charmy escaped from the teletubbies, then did their team blast, which made the teletubbies deaf. The baby-sun got the soap, but then exploded into shreds. Then the normal sun appeared. Then the Teletubbies disappeared, and they all reappeared at a Cheapo Lemmings Level: "Lemmings Plus - All Levels in One!" And they could not escape without beating it.

Meanwhile, a dog named Blue appeared, placing a pawprint on Xan. Then Blue escaped. Then Joe walked until a kid said: "A CLUE, A CLUE!" "Where?" asked Joe. "On that robot!" Joe looked and saw Xan with a blue pawprint. Then Xan chased Blue.

"Eh? Me not clue. Me Krall!" said Krall. "Where is that robot?" asked Joe. "You mean Xan? He go to the park." "Thanks!" Then Joe ran. "What a psycho dog!" said Charmy. Lemmy came out. "Where's Xan?" he asked.

Andi! Can you please remove that glitch? The glitch that when I post, it's not there.

Then a weird mutant skunk-dog fell down a drain, and Lemmy followed it.

It took him to a room hidden by slime and garbage. Then the skunkdog turned around and said, "Me not skunkdog. Me Krall."

"ARGH!" Lemmy yelled.

"Krall" "Krall" "Krall" "Krall"
"WE KRALL"
"NOT!  ;P"
"Come out, Lemmy, you lemming! Be gone with you!"

Lemmy turned around and saw a bunch of mutant snowmen. They were led by Calvin and Hobbes.

"Go!" Calvin yelled, and Hobbes sprang towards Lemmy. The snowmen dragged their bodies along like zombies, moaning and swiping at air.

"Wait! I'M THE COFFEE DEVIL OF YOUR DREAMS, FOOLS!" Lemmy thundered "I'LL KILL YOU ALL WITH MY DEMON POWERS!"

"Demon powers?" Hobbes asked. "That would mean - "
"YESSS!" Lemmy screamed, cutting him off. "I will destroy all life on this planet!" he started lifting up into the air, and forming a rather nasty spell to aim at the masses.

Hobbes lept on him and broke his concentration. Lemmy cursed like the devil.

Suddenly, Blue jumped in the sewer and put a pawprint on Lemmy. But then Lemmy got a knife, and slashed her. Then she had bloodshed. Vector jumped in and saw that Blue was bleeding. "LEMMY! HOW DARE YOU!" he said.

Calvin and Hobbes walked away, then Blue jumped up, but wailed, and then Vector put a Vector-decorated bandage on the spot where Blue is bleeding, then she jumped happily but then Lemmy went insane, so then he stomped near Blue and then...

There was the crack of a gunshot, and blue lay stretched out on the floor.
"No one puts a paw print on Xan Kriegor!" The robot shouted, standing in the doorway with a smoking gun. Then he pulled out a automatic and sprayed lead into the corpse.

But then Vector smashed Krall for killing Blue. "HOW DARE YOU KILL HER!" he shouted. But then Lemmy attacked Vector by...

using his demon powers. "DEATH! Death to all who defy me!" he roared, and watched as Vector crumpled in a sizzling heap.

"By the way," Xan remarked "I killed blue. That creature didn't."

But then Vector attacked using a Yu-gi-oh card. "I HATE YU-GI-OH!!!" said Lemmy, as he stomped on the card. But then he got sucked inside it.

Xan smashed the card, thus saving Lemmy. Then he killed vector, sending his taint back to Bhaal.

Xan and Lemmy climbed out, to see Joe. "Where's Blue?" he asked.

"But I thought I killed Vector," Lemmy whined. "Why does all of my hard work become undone?"
"Kid, that's life," Xan remarked, polishing his gun. "Now, want some popcorn? I've got a bag over there."
"YOU SHOULD'VE BEEN DEAD BEFORE!" Lemmy bellowed, kicking Vector's corpse around. But he decided to eat some popcorn, too.

"Blue's dead" Xan smirked. "I shot her"

"WHERE'S BLUE???" asked Joe with anger. "Umm...he went to San Francisco." said Xan. "No he didn't!" said Charmy and Espio, who butted in.

"Nooo!" Lemmy howled, writhing in anguish. "How COULD you? How could you shoot such a noble creature?"
He fell to the ground, and convulsed with sobs. Or laughter. It was hard to tell which.

"He's mental," Xan remarked, pointing at Lemmy. "And you - are going to stop bothering us!" he pulled a gun on them.

"I SAID BLUE'S DEAD!" Xan roared "OUT, INNER DEMONS!"

"Who are you calling demon?" asked Charmy with a mad face.

(Wow...you two are fast!)

"Look, you idiot bee," Xan snarled "I'm talking to the force that makes me say stupid things! NOT YOU!" he pulled out his revolver "See? I killed blue with this. Now I'll kill you, too." He shot Joe with it. Joe stumbled, and Xan pulled the trigger again. Joe went down on the floor, and Xan shot him again just for good measure.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING ID*OT?!" screamed Charmy. "AND STOP SAYING BAD WORDS SUCH AS ID*OT AND ST*PID!!!!!"

"That's the spirit!" Lemmy shouted, jumping up from the floor and wiping the tears from his face. "Kill that dog! Kill! Kill!" he jumped up and down, cheering wildly, a mad light in his eyes.
"Already done."
They both stared at the fast cooling corpse.

But then someone strangled that...Lemmy! It was Knuckles!

Xan turned to the bee "Shut up!" he snarled.
"Err...." The bee snarled "Me not bee. Me krall."
"Err...." Knuckles hissed "Me not Echidna. Me Krall."
"Err...." Xan moaned "Me not robot. Me Krall."

"Err..." Lemmy growled. "Me not Lemming. Me Krall."
Then they all chorused "WE KRALL!" and had a fistfight in the street.
The police stumbled upon this scene of horror.

Lemmy got free, but then Espio and Knuckles grabbed hold of him.

The police had a firefight amongst themselves.

But then Charmy stopped the fight, and someone came out of the sewers, with Vector-decorated bandages. Who? IT WAS VECTOR!

So Xan pured 300 rounds of Minigun amo into Vector.

Vector shivered and burned like a dying spider. Xan blew the non-existent smoke off of his gun, and Lemmy jumped up and down screaming "Xan! Xan! He's our man! If he can't do it, no-one can!"

Xan went away and bought a bubbly yellow drink for himself, and threw it on Lemmy's head.

Then as it exploded, Vector (the real one) appeared. "Hey, Lemmy!" said Vector. "NOT YOU AGAIN!" said Xan and Lemmy. "Stop it, boys!" said two girls on a bulding. They were Lemmalot and Lemmy'ka! The ones Xan killed were fakes! "Uh-oh!" said Lemmy. "Not good!" Then Vector, Espio and Charmy went to the girls, who had a cannon. The three boys got inside, then fired at Xan, then got destroyed, never to be repaired. "Give up, Lemmy!" said Lemmy'ka.

An army of Liandri robots charged on and brutally ripped Lemmy'ka and Lemmalot to shreds for damaging their master, Xan Kriegor. The Liandri techs fixed Xan up.

But Lemmy'ka and Lemmalot were unrippable. Xan was unfixable, then the techs got electrocuted. Then Vector made Espio and Charmy fireballs, then fired at the remains of Xan, then Xan became ashes. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" screamed Lemmy.

But Xan was, of course, one of the Chaos gods and existed on a plane set aside from this one. But Lemmy did not know that Xan was in fact still very much alive, so he laughed at Vector and proclaimed "I am Lemmy! This story is about me from start to finish! You can't hurt me!"
So the fools Lemmy'ka and Lemmalot fired their cannon at Lemmy anyway. The shell bounced off of him, and hit Vector in the face, dropping him to the cement.

"VECTOR!" gasped Espio and Charmy. "YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS!!!!!" screamed Charmy. "YOU BIG UGLY DUMB LEMMY!!!!!" Then Charmy pressed the middle button on Lemmy's shield, which disabled it. Then, at fly formation, Charmy used Thunder Shoot then Lemmy got paralyzed. For a week. Then he flew to Lemmalot and Lemmy'ka.

Charmy used Thunder Shoot on them, too. The effects melted off Lemmy in scant seconds, thus proving his boast.

But he used Thunder Shoot because Xan hypnotized him. But the girls are fine. Then Lemmy roared as he charged into the building, but then the Teletubbies appeared. So did Mr. T. And Ted. And then Vector escaped from the cement.

Lemmy used his demon powers to destroy the foul Teletubbies.
"Look guys," said Lemmy "It is clear to me we are all immortal. Why don't we just call it off? We could be here forever!"

"STOP IT, YOU DEVIL!!!" screamed Lemmalot. "The real supervillain is..." as she pointed at Lemmy. "YOU!"

"Fine." Said Lemmy "But in a couple million years I'll remind you that I proposed this..."

Then Lemmy surrendered and got a jet pack. Then he blasted into outer space. "SEE YOU LATER, BOYS!" Then he blasted away, but then Mr. T threw a bucket of colatronosyphatridiouscanatialdrafordiunicapiumithyteagainianer on Lemmy. Lemmy died. For real now. Lemmy's bones fell down to the ground. Then a grim faced judge came in and said: "Killing is a crime punishable with death!" he said to the ghost of Lemmy. "But that's ridiculous! If I kill someone, that person is dead! You can't punish that!"

"For your logic, Young Sir" the judge said "We will return you to the life you thought you had lost forever. Or," the judge continued "You could stay here."
"I'll stay here. I never want to see Lemmy'ka and Lemmalot and Vector and all those rotten people again" Lemmy decided.
"Good" The judge said, pulling on his mask and revealing... Xan Kriegor.

Lemmy's ghost then flew away...and so did Xan. "Goodbye, Lemmy..." said Lemmy'ka.

Not again!

"I hope your corpse rots, Lemmy'ka!" Lemmy shouted back as he dissapeared. Xan and Lemmy went to Xan's HyperBlast battle ship, and Xan trained Lemmy in the arts of combat. In time, Lemmy decided to enter in the Unreal Tournament.

"He's so rude!" said Lemmalot. "YEAH!!!" screamed Charmy. "THESE DAYS PEOPLE SAY BAD WORDS SUCH AS ST*PID, ID*OT, AND LOTS MORE! DON'T THEY EVER WATCH THEIR WORDS?" "They're really mean boys!" said Mr. T. "Yeah, definitely!" said Ted. "That Lemmy and Xan!" "I hate Lemmy and Xan!" said Knuckles. "Me too!" said Espio. "Doesn't Lemmy and Xan learn?" asked Vector. "When Lemmy's teacher put him in detention," said Lemmy'ka, "Lemmy killed 10,000 students and 15 teachers. There were 10,003 students. The only survivors of the Lemming school were me, Lemmalot, and of course, Lemmy." "That's very mean." said Krall. "YOU'LL PAY, LEMMY!!!!"

"soooooooo...whats your point?" said xan kriegor.

Lemmy was drinking coffee before the next Unreal Tournament. "Well, Xan, If I win, let's go to Atlantis!"

(Lemmy is dead in the story, and is a ghost in the skies. Xan, on the other hand, became a chaos god)

lemmy watched the lemmings down below be tortured by the chaos god Xan Kriegor....

Then Xan returned to Lemmy with lemming soup.

"i wont eat it!!!"lemmy

said. Then Lemmy wrote a haiku about Xan:

Xan Kriegor is a
Very cool robot who likes me
A lot, but crazy.

xan kriegor   found the poem in his mail.

He saw the haiku, then made a haiku about Lemmy:

Lemmy the Lemming,
Is a very mean devil,
who's always crazy.

And, in his thought bubble:  Lemmy is always like this: :devil:

lemmy put the haiku in a drawer.

Then round 70 of the Unreal Tournament was starting. Lemmy went into the arena and found three players. They were:

very exhausted. because of this. a pickle was formed.

The names of the players are: Flubber, Glass and Styrofoam.

Oh please. Not again!  >:(

the players materialized into dust as lemmy set out to find out why.

But then Round 71 started and all the pickles and Mr. Lemon (who died because Xan squeezed his lemon juice) came.

they all got eaten by the slug that a dog ate.

Except for Lemmy. Lemmy then battled the slug until he was defeated. Then Round 72 started.

it was good

because Lemmy had beaten a GIGANTIC octopus, which was the size of a Cheapo Level called "Absolute Ultimate Challenge."

it killed it's owner.

Then Lemmy beated the challengers in rounds 73-79. The final round was round 80. Lemmy had to battle a Dementor, which died due to a Patronus.

lemmy did some somersaults

Everyone spontaneously combusted.  A rock in Arizona grew legs and a face.  Then it decided to launch a nuke at a random emu.

Then soon the Dementor disappeared. Then Lemmy became the champion, won the trophy, then went back to Xan's home in the skies.

it collapsed and combusted.

And there were words in front of Lemmy:

Xan Kreigor cannot be displayed.

The Xan you are looking for is currently not found. He may be experiencing techincal difficulties, may be unavailable, or is gone forever.

If you can't get inside, try these:

- Click Refresh to reload Xan Kriegor and his home.
- Go to Options and tweak the settings.
- Come back later
- This Xan Kriegor may be locked. Ask the admin of the page to unlock it. Thank you.

lemmy clicked on the refresh buutton and....

then the error screen appeared again. Lemmy tried to tweak the settings, but...

the computer gave him the error screen again

Lemmy left for 50 minutes, then came back, to see the frustrating error screen again. He did one more thing: to look for the admin.

He found him. It was Kriegor.
"You...!" Lemmy gasped, pointing a trembling finger at Xan.
"Look, I took the durned thing out for a reason, kid," Xan snarled. "Stop messing with my operation!" he held Lemmy at gunpoint and called an ambulance. Then he shot Lemmy.

But nothing happened. From his gun emerged a horribly familiar voice:
"Errr... Me not gun. Me Krall."

Krall killed Lemmy. He awoke in a small room, in front of a blackboard. He read it.

THIS TURTLE - it pointed to an evil turtle called Devan Shell - HAS KIDNAPPED THIS RABBIT - it pointed to a rabbit called Eva Earlong - IN ORDER TO CONQUER THIS PLANET - it pointed to planet called Carrotus - THIS RABBIT - it pointed to a rabbit called Jazz Jackrabbit - MUST DEFEAT THIS TURTLE - it pointed back to Devan - WITH THIS GUN - called an LG-200 - TO SAVE HER - back to Eva - AND THIS - back to Carrotus

"I'm inside a computer game!" Lemmy yelled. His head got shot off by Jazz Jackrabbit.
"Your mission is to do all this on the blackboard for me- I've hired you as my stunt double. Get in this rabbit suit and get to Diamondus. That's the first level. Have fun!"
He reattached Lemmy's head.

EDIT: Lemeri posted right before me while I was typing- whoops! I modified it to make sense.

Lemmy went on strike. He pulled out a dead rat sign and munched on some biscuts.

Then Krall returned to the real world. The biscuits that Lemmy ate were Earthworm Jim flavor. "ECCH!!!!" screamed Lemmy.

"That's it!" Lemmy shouted. He ate his rat sign. It tasted like dead rat, but Lemmy liked the taste.

Then his breath moderately smelled like dung and korma. Then Overall man Mario appeared.

Lemmy rammed his Swiss Army knife into Mario's chest untill it grated on his ribs.
"Hah!" The evil Lemmy cried. Then he was visited by Lemkoo, the essence of evil in Lemmings.

But before he got Lemmy's flesh, Rouge threw him away. Then she said: "You are now in the skies, Lemmy, sir. You killed me and Mario, so we ended up here too." Then Lemmy got surprised.

"Xan! Xan! Get rid of them! They're here to kill me!"
"Actually kid, I'm kinda with'em."

"GRRRRR!!!" said Lemmy. Then he turned into this:  :devil:

Lemmy screamed insults at Xan, and slowly transformed into a hideous demon. He raked his huge claws along the ground, and laughed at the sound they made. Then he proceeded to dispose of the people around him.

After that, he showed an animated sign, which says this:

:shutup:

Xan killed him, sending him back to the grim faced judge.

"Teasing is a crime punishable with death!" said the judge. Lemmy reached one paw up, and held the judge's face --

*502 CONNECTION ERROR*

(Not from you, G3K)

"It's a life sentence for you," the judge told Lemmy through clenched teeth. "You've murdered many men. You've despoiled state property. And worse, you become this demonic creature every now and then."
"That's my fault!" Lemmy said brightly. "I like doing it, and I sometimes get money."
"There's suicide on you record, too - several. Do you know that alone is a CAPITAL OFFENSE?" the judge suddenly roared, leaning forwards in his seat and staring Lemmy down.
"Yes, sir. Chop my head off, no?"
Just then...

Lemmy ran away, but then a million judges appeared. "Teasing is a crime punishable with death!" they kept on saying.

Then Lemmy woke up. He was lying in a cold cell, and Knuckles was reading him stories.

"Once upon a time," said Knuckles, "there was a barnacle. He was so ugly that everyone died, the end."

"AHHH!!!!" screamed Lemmy, as he woke up at Xan's house. "What's wrong, Lem-lem?" asked Xan.

"I dreamed I died" Said Lemmy.
"That's a shame"
"What? My dream?"
"No, that it was only a dream."

"Really?"
"Knuckles told me a pointless story in my dreams."
"That's terrible!"

"Have some iced tea, kid"
"I hate tea"
"Cool. Here it is." Xan pulled out an automatic and threatened Lemmy with it.

"OKAY, OKAY!" screamed Lemmy. But then Lemmy said: "No idea? Shut up!" "Why you little!" screamed Xan.

There was the sound of a gunshot, and Lemmy fell to the floor. The ghastly words 'SPEED HACK DETECTED' floated up in front of him, and Xan jerked around wildly.

Then Lemmy got so scared. He ran away, but saw more judges, and they all said:

But then Lemmy screamed back:

:shutup:

Not again! What the heck is going on?

"I said..." the judge said slowly "GET BACK IN YOUR BOX!

"NEVER!!!" screamed Lemmy.

"STOP USING COLORED LETTERS!" the judge roared.
"Err?" Lemmy said "Me not Lemming. Me Krall."
"NICE TRY, YOU FOOL"

"No really. Me Krall"

Then Lemmy appeared with a sign that said:

:spam:

They sentanced him to man the Yahoo! companio help.

"THAT JUDGE IS CRAZY SPAM!!!" said Lemmy, but then he saw a new ad, which says:

[move]Get new pop-ad blocker, for free![/move]

But then Lemmy realized it was a pop up, and his whole world went doozy. When he woke up, a doctor was standing over him.
"Never thought to see you again"

"AHHHH!!!! I'm in 'The Hospital' game again!" "I DON'T WANT YOU HERE!" said the doctor.

"HELP ME, YOU THING!!!" shouted Lemmy.

"HAHHAHAHAHAHAHA" Lemmy said. He grew wings.

But then the doctor punched him out, then the people kept on hurting him. Soon, Lemmy got...

Bloodshed!

Then a shadow appeared behind Lemmy.

Lemmy threw his arms wide and they all died.
"I have become the New... Lord of Murder!" Lemmy proclaimed.

But he did not grow a tail to match them.

(To match the wings, that is)

But after that, the League of Doctors had him drummed out of town. And because of the suffering, Lemmy had bloodshed, again.

History is repeating itself, thought Lemmy.

Again, it happened!

He did not need one. But a guy came in and hired Lemmy to star in the remake of 'The Psycho'

They walked in, and Lemmy found a jar of Lemmy's blood. Lemmy drank it (EWW!!!) and got his blood back. However, he found out that it wasn't his blood.

Icey, stop announcing it when your post dosn't show. I can see them just fine, and you will too after I post.

So Lemmy went into a choma.

(It happens everytime, Lemeri! But I'll stop. Maybe Andi can help.)

Then Lemmy was out of the game and back to Xan's house.

"Hi Lemmy. Can I get you some cake?" Xan asked.

"No idea? Shut up!" screamed Lemmy.

"Why do you keep saying that?" Xan asked.

"Because of you...my life has changed!" sang Lemmy. Then Lemmy left and bought a game called "Lemmings wars" then installed it on his hard drive, then played it, only to be greeted by an error message:

"Your System is not ready for so much violence!"

Then a second error message came up:

ERROR IN LINE 50031460354: "No idea? Shut up!" NOT VALID:

PRESS ANY KEY TO CONINUE

Lemmy pressed it, only to see another error message: "You are a weird guy for this game!"

Lemmy cried. He had spent $999.0 on a game, to see that he was weird, as he smashed the game.

(Is lunatic a bad word?)

(Lunatic describes a mad person)

So he went and got the patch, and then he could play.

But then another error message appeared: You are too lun*tic to play this game.

"Since when was I a lun*tic anyway? Wait a sec, Ynmel wasn't a lun*tic! GRRR!!!"

And so, he got a scythe, and slashed his legs, multiple times. "I WANNA DIE!!!" he kept telling himself! "HISTORY IS REPEATING ITSELF!"

(Just in case, I censored the word.)

A dog came along and said "I have a butt. Would you kiss it please?" to Lemmy.

But then Lemmy ripped its heart out. Lemmy walked out and went to Rouge to give her a rude haiku.

Rouge read it. It says:

Greetings, Rouge, ma'am.
I will knock your pants out.
I hope you'll die.

Please eat my shorts,
with 12 minutes left,
Or you'll die instantly.

I aim it at you at the next stab.
Are you ready to meat your end?
Goodbye, Rouge, Ma'am.

"Flawed. Look, Lemmy, sir, you did not spell 'meet' properly. And look at those haikus!"

(The reason the haiku is flawed is so that Rouge will correct Lemmy)

Rouge tore the insulting peice of paper up, and lept off a tall skyscraper shouting "THE END OF THE WORLD!"

Rouge gave the same haiku that she PMed to Lemmy.

Xan's firewall blocked the email. Lemmy sang a chant.

He chanted:

"O, Rouge, ma'am, you shall retreat. You Inuit, please die, ma'am. I aim it at you at the next stab. It's the end of the words. Goodbye, Rouge, sir!"

Then Lemmy tossed a Yu-gi-oh card to her. Rouge said "YU-GI-OH'S DIRT!" and then...

died horrible because the Yu-Gi-Oh card was enchanted with death magic.

But since they're ghosts, they can never die. Lemmy then wrote another insulting note, which says:

You suck worse then anything, Rouge
You're just like a stooge!

Lemmy laughed himself silly.

Rouge gave an insulting paper back, which says:

You stink!
Really!
I hate you a lot!
Girls rule! Boys drool!

Lemmy, sir, you will see those mean pictures soon!

Then Rouge tossed the ff. pictures to Lemmy:

>:(,   :P,  :x,  :shutup:,  :spam:,  :devil:

Lemmy laughed himself sick.
"Men in trechcoats? That's pathetic"

"You're apathetic, Lemmy, sir!" screamed Rouge. Suddenly, words appeared in front of Rouge. They said:

Oblivion
Zanmato
Temple of Oblivion
Warped Out
Unpossible!
Connection Error
Postcard from the Green Hill Zone

Rouge touched one of the words. That word was:

"Connection Error"

A little spark appeared above her head, and she fell dead. But she re-incarnated as a gas station attendent.

Lemmy drove by in his gas-guzzling SUV just to sneer at her.
"Hah, I've ruined your life!" he laughed. "You will DIE here! The fumes from the fuel will put out your lights! Bwah hah hah!"
And then he drove away again. Rouge shook her fist at him, a snarl etched across her features. Lemmy pulled out an automatic, a grimace of pure joy stretched across his face, and he gunned her down. She fell limply in a puddle of blood.
Lemmy drove away, snickering and waving the gun around.

He stopped by an eatery, and when he came out, he found a couple of repo men stealing his car. One of them leaned out the window and shot him in the face. He crumpled. In his last moments he realized that the one who shot him was Xan Kriegor.

"You're all... repo men!" Lemmy gasped, blood choking him as he spoke. "Even... -hack- even you, Xan!" he let out a gurgle and lay dead.
"Tough luck, kid," Xan growled, holding up his gun and leaping out of the car.
"Should I... get an... ambulance?" Rouge snarled, hatred deep in her voice.
"Nope," Xan remarked, pulling out his trusty link gun and shooting Lemmy with the alt-fire.
"He's dead now, all right, all right," he declared, standing up. "Long live the CORRUPT!"
And with that, Rouge fell dead, lead puncturing her in many places.

A couple of men in black full body diving suits walked in and dragged Lemmy's body to the hospital.

"Call the cops, there's been a murder! Hah hah!" Xan roared, ducking to the hospital. Then he revved the engine, and sped away.
"Damn right I'll call the cops," the hospital attendant snarled. "You stole a car. You murderer. I'll hang you."

But then Rouge and Lemmy, as ghosts, returned to the skies. Rouge kicked Lemmy away, and logged in the forums, to see that someone in the Lemmings List Level Game told a person to "Shut up" so then she banned that person for a week and then Lemmy logged in. Lemmy PMed Rouge, which had a game-over screen, which was from the game Sonic Advance 2, then Rouge felt irritated, so then...

Lemmy woke up with a severe headache. "Uggh, I've been having nightmares again," he whispered. He staggered out of his bed, and clutched at his doorframe. "Medic! Medic!" he roared out into the hallways.
Then he remembered that he lived alone ever since he'd killed his family in a fit of rage. He shrugged, and sprawled headlong into the grass outside his window.
"Looks like you have problems, kid," Xan remarked.

"I....I killed a man today... But... I was pr...pr....prevoked...." Lemmy stuttered as blood trickled from his mouth "But... I blame... It on society... Society made me what I am!"

"No, Lemmy," Xan said, shaking his head. "I made you what you are. I fiddled with your brain last time you went all unconscious and dying on me. And now, well... let's just say I should never become a brain surgeon!"
"You... you... messed my mind up?" Lemmy coughed, and sat up abruptly, swiping blood off his lips. "No! How c-could you? I thought you were my friend!"
"Sure, I was just trying to fix you. You already had a bad case of psychosis."
Lemmy fell to the ground, hammering it with his fists and screaming incoherent things about motorcycles.

"Come join me at the office. I have a job for you" Xan remarked.
"But.. You're asking me to become a Repo man like you?" Lemmy snarled.
"Sure. But first, let's go rob a convenience store"

"Well, I do need more beer," Lemmy said with a shrug. He dragged his way over to Xan, and shook his hand.
"You're pathetic. Have a medkit. I'll go rob the store while you fix yourself up. Meet you at The Office."
And with that, Xan left.
Lemmy stared at the kit in a stupor, and then he slowly bashed the cover open. After that, he managed to wrap himself in bandages much like a mummy, but without the embalming.
"I'm coming!" he shreiked, though his voice was somewhat muffled.

"Hey mister, can I have 2 dollars?" a guy in the street asked him "My k-"
Lemmy pulled a gun and shot him. Then Lemmy went over to the convenience store.
"I had to kill them all" Xan remarked.

"I can't go on like this," Lemmy said, his voice perfectly calm. "Killing, being killed, blood on the floor... it's too much for me. All I want is a small life somewhere, a two story house, and a bright red motorcycle. It's not too much to ask, is it? No, it's not..."
"Snap out of it, kid," Xan snarled. "I've got the goods. Take them."
"No, I can't do that, Xan. I'm not with you any more. I've joined a secret gang of trenchcoat wearing mobsters," Lemmy replied, his voice still with a deadly calm.
"I kill people like you!" Xan declared, pulling a gun on Lemmy. "Don't move! Don't move!"

Lemmy snapped out his gun and shot Xan in the eye plate. Xan stumbled back and hit Lemmy in the shoulder, then keeled over. Lemmy left the store and went over to the Repo man office, and gunned every one of them down. Then he went back to his home city to pay a visit to some old friends.

His friends were having a drunken pool party.
"Lemmy, old buddy, come join ush!" one of them slurred, patting Lemmy on the shoulder.
"Heck no!" Lemmy shouted. "I've had enough of you! You're all sickos! And you drink too much! And, and -- you stiffed me when I was five years old! You killed my pet frog! I'll kill you!"
He jerked his automatic around and gunned all of them down, singing 'All you need is love' out of the corner of his mouth.
He stood there for a few minutes, staring at his fallen friends, and then he went back to see what he'd done to Xan. His memory was failing him again.

He found Xan eating twinkies in the store. He was halfway through a 6 pack of beer.
"No hard feel's, Lemmy. That peice'a junk need ze repars 'ne wea."

"... What peice of junk?" Lemmy asked, as he shredded the bandages off of him. "The blood's gone down, Xan, I just want you to know that. You're a good robot. You save me."
"Have a beer, kid."

"Th-Thank you Xan" Lemmy gasped, puring it down his throat "But I want all your money, too"

"You won't get it!" Xan snarled, pulling a huge gun out of his trechcoat and pointing it at Lemmy's head.
"Whew! You've got the point now!" he added, and, keeping Lemmy at gunpoint, he stalked behind the counter and started smashing all the beer cans.
"What the heck?" Lemmy asked, spluttering. "Wait... I need that!"
"No can do, kid."

Lemmy began to stab himself wth the shards of the beer cans.

"Sure," Xan said. "Knock yourself out." he lobbed more beer cans at Lemmy, and then he leaned against the wall to watch.

Lemmy snarled and pulled an AVRIL gun from under a box. He shot Xan with it.

Xan dodged away at the last moment - somehow - and shot Lemmy with his huge gun, thus landing Lemmy back in the hospital.
"D-damn you Xan! I thought you were my friend!" Lemmy shreiked as he woke up.
He was then promptly tossed into the insane asylum.

"Now Lemmy," said the Lead Doctor "We can sanction your mild cursing even in the hosp, but you've really stepped over the line by cursing like that in the ER!"

Then, after 15 minutes, Lemmy was automatically logged out of the forums, because Lemmy was in the forums for 15 minutes. Rouge logged out, too.

Lemmy fixed himself and dashed out of the ghost hospital to meet his rival Rouge. "Hello, Lemmy, sir!" said Rouge. "Why did you send me that game over screen?" "Because it means that YOU SUCK!!!" Then Lemmy laughed himself silly.

"No I don't, freak"
"Yes you do!"
"No I don't!"
"Hah! You just provy point! You make bad joke, bad grammer! I got 201 on my AS score, but I got a -6.01 total to my stats banking! The system is going to hell!"

"It was already in hell, kid. It was written there." Xan lounged against a brick, and offered Lemmy a beer. "I don't drink this stuff any more. Rusted up my arm hatch real bad last time."
"Looks like you got better!" Lemmy exclaimed, taking the beer and pouring it all over the dirt. "Hate the stuff," he said out of the corner of his mouth. "Hate all stuff. Hate my chair. Hate my processor. I'm a waste of silicon, carbon, and CPU cycles. I hate my life. I can't do anything. I... I don't exist."

Xan disappeared. Lemmy stared at Rouge and got his sword. But...

"Err..." said the sword, "Me not sword. Me Krall!" "GRR!!!" growled Lemmy. "HAHA!!! KRALL WAYLAID YOU!!!!" said Rouge. Lemmy threw Krall back to the real world and glared at Rouge.

"Rouge, ma'am, kick me!" "NO! NEVER!" screamed Rouge. Lemmy stomped on Rouge's foot, but missed. Rouge gave him a card which says this:

:bday:

But suddenly, it exploded to smithereens! Lemmy screamed like a big ugly sissy!

... And then he pulled out a magnum and wasted Rouge. "Xan? Xan? Where are you?" he shouted, waving the magnum around in the air. "I tell you, soup steals the bait nicely! I FEEL FREE!" he tossed the magnum away, and went bounding off to the icecream shop, fully expecting to see Xan lounging against the wall there.

He was not dissapointed.

However, there were also some other odd customers. They...

grabbed Lemmy and revealed their faces. THEY WERE THE TELETUBBIES!!! "AHHH!!!! I THOUGHT I KILLED YOU!" screamed Lemmy. Rouge laughed herself silly. Xan, on the other hand disappeared. "XAN! COME BACK!" said Lemmy. Then he got an automatic, and destroyed all the Teletubbies. Lemmy went to Rouge, but Rouge showed her fangs. Then Lemmy looked like this:  =8O

Suddenly, a group of lemmings came, and they showed:

:lem4ever:

Rouge felt irritated, so she destroyed the sign by....

(Post not part of story)

I miss Magic Wars a lot. If anyone agrees, we'll make a Magic Wars, Saga 2.

[Heck no. That thing sucked. If you try to start it again, I'll break your face. :D]

Tearing it into as many shreds as she could, building a bonfire, and doing a dance around it as the shreds burned. She started calling upon her dark masters to come and aid her in the destruction of Lemmy and Xan Kriegor.
Fortunately for said individuals, she didn't get very far. A gruesome slime monster emerged from the brush, and...

[Edit - You see this? This thing called an 'Edit'? It is advised that you use that button instead of making another post, which will aggrivate many. Myself included.]

bit her on the throat. She fell. But as she was going down, she shot Lemmy in the gut.
"Impossible..." Lemmy gasped, and then he died.

Lemmy returned to life surrounding by odd, whirring machinery and the concerned looking face of a fish. "Wh-... where am I? I'm... I'm dead! I got shut! My gut!" he tried to sit up, but the machinery held him down. He was sure there wasn't any air in his lungs, for some bizarre reason.
"Calm yourself!" exclaimed the fishman. "I can show you the secrets of the universe, if you will clear your mind of all thought."
"How am I supposed to do that?" Lemmy asked.
"Kill yourself again, man. Then I'll insert the info into your little brain."

So then, Lemmy killed himself by not breathing.

When he came to again, he was dangling from a thin mesh of wires over a watery pit.
"What about my... memories?" he whispered. "I... you said... the secrets of the universe would be mine... you..."
But nobody even heard his cries. Except for...

A cruel fisherman named Sibbie, who mocked him for the rest of his days.

Fortunately, Lemmy was just having another one of those freakish dreams of his.
He woke up to surreal music playing in the room next to his, and some hoarse shouting coming from outside. He jumped out of his bed, realized he was wearing a black cape, and opened up the window.
"Cut it out with the singing!" he shouted. "You're givin' me nightmares!"
Strangely, he didn't see anybody out the window. He shrugged, and decided to eat a croissant in the attic.

Lemmy buyed a packet of zhokkleberries. He ate them. They made him horny.

Then, for no reason, he jumped off a cliff. He hit his head on concrete, knocking him out, and then a semi ran him over. He was dead.

When Lemmy next woke up, he was laying on a cloud.
"What the heck's happening NOW?" he asked. He walked for a mile, and saw golden gates. A winged old lady was floating next to it with a scroll.

"NAME?" she asked.
"Uhh... Lemmy." Lemmy said.
"You didn't register for death. We'll have to reincarnate you." she said. He hit Lemmy rapidly with a sledgehammer. Blood splashed everywhere as Lemmys vision faded again. He then woke up on a sidewalk. He stood up, and got ran over by a wheelchair going about 80mph. "Where?" Lemmy asked himself. He checked his watch. The year was...

3015. "Wow, time sure flies when you die so often!" Lemmy exclaimed, and tossed his watch into the road. He watched some sort of futuristic car run it over, and waved his arms over his head.
The car stopped, and the window rolled down.
"What is it, kid? I'm busy," Xan Kriegor snapped.
"Xan! Y-you!" Lemmy stuttered, and fainted dead into the road.
He came to with smelling salts being liberally sprinkled across his snout. He appeared to be in an abandonded warehouse, and was surrounded by...

several evil skitzophrenic bricks.  They were stomping around on circles and looking like the world hated them...because it did.

Then, in his dazed confusion, Lemmy said to the bricks: "Hi. Will you be my friend?"

A brick hit him on the head, and he left the trance.

"No." it said
"But I am evil and sometimes kill myself" Lemmy said.
All the bricks turned to Lemmy. "EVIL! WOOOOO! WE ARE YOUR FRIENDS!"
"Then let's go cause some trouble," Lemmy said evilly.

So they went off to rob another convenience store, which was Lemmy's favorite crime of late. Unfortunately, they were caught red-handed, and arrested.
As Lemmy languished in jail, he thought of his past glories with sadness. "Damn, but I wish I still had demon powers!" he snarled, shaking his bars.
There was a clicking noise from behind him. Lemmy whirled around to see...

Xan litting a cigarette. "I didn't know you smoke." Lemmy said. "Ah! Crap!" said Xan and throwed his cigarette away.
"Btw, what are you doing here, Xan? Have you been cauht, too?" "Nope. I'm here here to rescue you!" Xan shot a big hole in the wall. Out there was...

... shadowy figures moving through the twilight, surrounded by falling snow and illuminated in the headlights of passing cars.
"Uhh..." Lemmy said. "I'm not sure this is the best rescue."
"You got a better plan, kid?" Xan asked, grinding the cigarette with his foot.
"Well, no, I--" Lemmy started to say something, but was tossed out through the hole with Xan's robotic strength.
He picked himself up, and stared straight into...

the face of one very large pdf document.

"No!" Lemmy screamed, backing away. "It is too horrible to behold! I cannot look!"
He fell backwards into the snow, and tried to scramble to his feet. Unfortunately for him, the snowdrift he had landed in just happened to be right over a rusty manhole cover, which broke when he landed on it. With a yell, Lemmy plunged into the darkness of the sewers below.

He fell on his side in a puddle of snow, murky water, and blood.
" People have died down here," hissed a voice from the shadows. "You might, too."
"What?" Lemmy gasped, whirling around to see...

A grinning wererat. It bared its yellow teeth at him.

"Welcome! Ho ho ho!" It roared.
"What do you want?!" Lemmy shrieked.
"No more then anyone else. I want your soul."
"WHAT?!!"

" Precisely. Your soul, it is a very valuable thing. Everyone wants it. I can't use it, but I'll sell it on the black market."
The wererat grinned toothily, and swaggered towards Lemmy.
"No! You won't have my soul! You won't!" Lemmy roared, and dived sideways into the muck.

The muck rose up and engulfed him.
"So... Weak... Can't... Breathe!" Lemmy gasped.
"Heh" the Wererat snarled "Not as weak as you will be!"
"I... Yet... Retain... My... Mind!" Lemmy gasped. The Wererat took out a stopwatch and began to hum.
"UUUAUAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!" Lemmy cried, and then he fell limp.
"4 seconds. Perfect" The Wererat smirked. It dragged Lemmy off to it's foul lair. When he awoke....

He was strapped to a metal table. Wires plugged into various points on his body, and he was wearing a breathmask. He could dimly see the room through the filmy lid on this monstrous machine.
His eyes flow open, and he ripped the breathmask off him with a snarl. He lurched out of the machine, rending wires left and right, and started laying about him with a large peice of tubing. Soon the casing lay in splinters, and he stood there, panting.
Lemmy looked around. A flamethrower stood next to a pitchfork by the window. A wild joy lit in his eyes, and he snatched the flamethrower up and torched the machine. Humming, he tossed it aside, and strolled casually out of the burning room.

He bumped into Xan Kriegor in the hallways. "I... I broke the demon machine!" he gasped, and burst out laughing. Xan stared at him for a few moments before handing him a bomb, clapping him on the back, snarling "Good luck, kid -- you're gonna need it!" and stalking away.
Lemmy stared at the bomb in his hands, a quizical expression plastered across his features. And then...

...oh, and THEN...he met a worm crawling on the ground.  Suddenly, he was at a bus stop.  It was raining.  The stupid worm was trapped on a sidewalk section...and as all worms do, he was heading away from the grass.
     "Stupid moron!  Go the other way!"  Lemmy turned him around.  The stupid worm crawled in that direction.  Eventually, it got to the end of the sidewalk section.  It felt the slight dip, and thought,
     ".......?.......!.......*REVERSE*........", and, started crawling the other way.
     "Wow...You really ARE pathetic aren't you?"  Lemmy pondered how such a stupid animal could still exist.  Then he realized, that the worm in front of him was the only worm left in the world.

...

_*squik*

...

Thus was the end of the worm empire...yipee skipee yahoo let's all party now...........nah.

Lemmy was getting wet, so he commanded the rain to stop.  It stopped.  Lemmy was bored, so he commanded the entire world to entertain him.  It did.  Then, he commanded the world to give him all wealth in existence.  It did.  Then, the universal command-abuse guardian came along and tore up his "OFFICIAL WORLD COMMANDER'S CERTIFICATE".  All effects were lost.

"...NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

The worms reformed their bodies for one brief second, and then imploded due to a defective catalytic converter, rendering them deceased once again...

[Wow...now that really was pointless.] O_o

The worm castles still remained though, as reminders of their once great empi-....wait a minute...Hm.  No worm castles ever existed, and the worm empire never was great.

Then, Lemmy was surrounded by tube socks, and forced to eat pizza.  1 slice to be exact.  Then the tube socks left, and said
     "Thanks for taking our mandatory survey!  Have a GREAT day!!!"
--------
Yes, I am done now.  You may continue.

The memory of the tube socks kept coming back to haunt him though... he was never at peace again(for awhile..)

You kerayzee-ass fools, you made me make this.

Uh...he only killed one worm.  Not only that, but why does he have lipstick and the weird red card thing on his face?

That's not lipstick, that's blood.

And the "card thing" is his mouth. ;P

That's awesome. XD

---

Lemmy stared at his hands in confusion. He was certain he'd killed that day, but he couldn't remember what. He also, in the same second, realized that he was still holding a bomb.
It looked to be going off in a few seconds.
"Farewell, cruel world!" Lemmy snarled, and smashed the bomb into the ground at his feet. It blew up.
Lemmy fell over backwards, blood trickling from every part of him.

"Looks like you've got some blood on ya, kid," Xan remarked.
"Wh-where am I?" Lemmy asked.
"In the hallway." Xan stared down at him, and ground something metallic under his bootheel. Lemmy figured that it was the remnants of the bomb.
"Then I must be dead," he stated, feeling oddly calm.
"No, I healed you up in time. Get up before you DO die."
Lemmy slitted his eyes and rolled to his feet. "No!" he bellowed. "Now YOU die!"
Xan calmly batted him through six walls. He landed in a pile of broken bones -- not his own. The bones appeared to be in a prison cell, and so was he.
A panel in the floor slid open, and...

was eliminated.  A three-way parapet wall was burning.  So Lemmy extinguished it with his head.  This was especially painful.  Then he was teleported to a rock.  The rock was a foot wide.  The rock was in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.  No other rocks were around it.  The rock's sides went straight down into the water.
      "...............................well, this stinks."  
      Lemmy started to whistle a tune.

Lemmy lost his footing and fell face first into the water. He started to drown.

It was a strange feeling. As he drifted into unconsciousness, Lemmy was sure he could hear someone laughing at him.
Then, once again, he awoke. To nobody's great surprise, he was strapped to a cold stone slab. The slab was in the middle of a glass chamber, and he could see water on all sides of him.
A hideous aquatic creature stood in front of him. "Wha... what do you want?" Lemmy asked.
"I want to eat your brain!" it exclaimed in somewhat garbled speech, and...

Lemmy pulled a Lightsaber from his pocket and cut it's head open.
"That... That shouldn't work... Under water!" The creature gasped.
"We're in a room, stupid!"
"The... The air pressure!"
Lemmy slashed it open again. It died.
"Well, I guess I'd better take the head." Lemmy decided, cutting the head off.
"What are you doing, Kid?" Xan asked as he crawled through a hole in the ceiling.
"Me take head! Become great warrior!"
"By killing that?" Xan asked snidely.

"I've killed millions," Lemmy snarled, his tone surly. He realized he didn't have anywhere to put the head, so he just clutched it in one paw.
"Sure, kid. That doesn't make you a great warrior. Those millions... sucked."
Lemmy stared up at Xan, who was still leaning out of the ceiling. "Will you STOP that?" he shouted, waving his arms around. Droplets of blood from the severed head splashed everywhere.
"Aieeee!" he screamed, cowering on the ground. "The blood -- it burns --"
Xan left again.

Lemmy could hear vague rending noises off in the distance, but he was oblivious. And then...

Yes. said lemmy who had frequently become an indian tribe chief. then he said, "how how how how how how how how how." Then Xan left and Kriegor came in. he picked up the aquatic creature and squished it with a train. Shigeru miyamoto did not like this so he worked for nintendo and sega. this did not satisfy him so he helped create starfox 64. then all was well in the land of lemming.

But this did not matter, for they were no longer in the land of Lemming. Meanwhile, Lemmy had declared himself the Dark Lord of the Sith. He tried to build a lightsaber for himself, but cut himself in half while trying. As he lay bleeding on the floor, he saw...

Xan Kriegor, standing over him with a redeemer and an even more menacing pose than usual.
"You've outstepped your limits in this universe, Lemmy," he said. "It is time for you to leave it."
He leveled the weapon at Lemmy's head.
"No!" Lemmy shreiked. "I still... have power!"
"Not for long," Xan promised grimly. He pulled the trigger, and Lemmy got a redeemer full in the face. His world went to a blood-spattered black haze.

Lemmy was beginning to feel he would never die. He regained consciousness yet again in a tunnel carved out of a glacier. Blue ice surrounded him, and it was so could he should have died the instant he appeared there.
He, obviously, had not.
When he stood, he realized two things: the tunnel was tall enough to stand in, and he was wearing a large fur coat with a hood.
It still didn't explain why he hadn't frozen to death. Lemmy decided not to worry about such petty things, and started walking.

Xan Kriegors voice boomed through the tunnel. you think you're safe in your cave and you ally. The time machine i put you in accidentally sent you backwards in time rather than to the harsh conditions of the future.
You are in not any cave, but in a cave outside of the palace of Lem'ka. The current time period is During the magic wars. i can only communicate a little longer but you need to find a way to get back here even if it means living all the time between where you are now, the beggining of the magic wars, and now . Remember this, i don't have all the details but earths future is at stake, if you don't survive, then it will....flames......destruction.....universal...destruction.....
Soon the last edges of Xan voice faded out. Lemmy looked outside of the cave and saw a small dial. he turned it one way and it got even colder. he turned it tthe other way until he felt it was the same as the temperature outside (79 degrees farenheit) It was a nice summer day and lemmy sat there watching the palace until he saw the motion that started the war. Lem'kas Legions marched  in rows of 600 by 1200.
Off in the distance he saw the forces of timballisto and dumb lem preparing for battle against Lem'ka and eachother...

There was a grinding noise, and Lemmy felt himself stretching across time. He reached a hand out in a futile gesture to cling to the ice walls, but it didn't work. His hand was ripped from his body, and he disappeared.

He fell face forward onto ragged stone. He realized that his hand was back where it belonged, which was good; he also realized that the sky was black with storms.
This must be where Xan wanted to send me, Lemmy thought, as a third realization came to him. He was lying on top of the roof of a skyscraper.

"Xan, what have you done to me?" Lemmy wailed, pounding his fists on the ground until they bled. Then he fell down on his side and stared dimly across the landscape whilst a storm raged around his ears.

A portal in the roof lurched open, and a shadowy form stumbled out of it. "Lemmy..." it croaked, veering towards him...

I am Xan kriegor... this is far in the future from when you came from just recently. Look around you...I will transport you back in time when you have done this.Remember, this will happen if you do not survive..."
Lemmy looked around. He was on a comet looking at the remains of earth. It had been shattered and smashed into sixteen large pieces and about three billion other pieces... Shortly after, he was teleported back.


Timballisto fired the first shot. then Battle was joined. Lemmy watched from his distant cave trhinking about what xan said. If he was of the immortals, then he could never die. So he wouldn't need to worry about dying like Xan said...or would he? He didn't want to try and find out. Eventually Lem'ka won the battle and the forces of Timballisto and Dumb lem had been crushed.
The magic wars had begun....

Much to Lemmy's disgust. That harsh, bleak future was beginning to look much more bright to the beleaguered Lemming.
He managed to hole himself up in the ice caverns and avoid detection by the troops, but he felt there was something missing.
Then he realized what it was -- he was accomplishing... nothing.
A hollow feeling came over him, and he crumpled to the ground. "Useless!" he wailed. "That's what I am -- useless!"
"Hardly," Xan hissed. "You still have a use. You need only find it."
Then he was gone again, leaving Lemmy lying on his side staring at the hard ice.

An arrow came into the cave he was in and smashed a stalactite. Lemmy got up an realised another battle had started. It was between conway, timballisto, and of course, Lem'ka (who was in many battles.) There was also another faction though... Soon he realised that he was at the head of that army. If he had done this, then why didn't he remember? Shortly after he saw himself get wacked on the head by one of the few primitive clubmen in the battle. Oh, so that's why he didn't remember this battle. eventually, he saw his general, call a retreat. Eventually, once again, Lem'ka won the battle. soon after, lemmy decided to leave the cave. He followed his army and talked to his army about who he was and how he got there. He knew more than his army because he was from the future and he had a healing kit with him. it was only a small first aid kit but it was something he always carried with him just in case Xan Kriegor got the better of him, but now it came in handy. He healed himself and he must have done something right because when he did, he suddenly remembered the whole thing. apparently, he'd healed his own head injury to the point of it only being a bruise. Then he told himself his story and he laughed at himself. since the future lemmy remembered what he had done, lemmy told him back all his battle plans and the future lemmy convinced the past lemmy that he was himself.(geez! this is getting confusing!) Lemmy made lemmy general second in command. At first the army was skeptical but after lemmy told them that lemmy was lemmy but a different lemmy but in a wierd sort of way that he was actually a different lemmy, they believed him. They all started back towards lemmy hall. In a few hours, they got back home and saw that it was under minor siege by Dumb lem. They ran back home and took position on the walls. It took awhille but eventually, dumb lems armies were battered down so they had to command a retreat. Lemmy and Lemmy took a round by the castle inspecting for damage. The entire east wall was down. X_X

Suddenly, a black cloaked man lept out from the shadows. He shot both of the Lemmys, while shouting "FOR MANDALORE!". The bodies tumbled over the wall in slow motion, slamming into the muck that lay at the bottom with a [I]plop[/I] sound.

Then, he sank into the muck, and into another world.  He was in a land with gravelish ground and a hazy sky.  Several cube shaped boulders were rolling around.  one started rolling towards Lemmy!   He quickly dove aside and let the gargantuos thing pass him, barely missing his feet.  He could feel the breeze it made as it passed.  He stood up and looked around for awhile, pondering how on earth his life went through such events as to lead him here.  Slowly, the earth begin to tilt.  It tilted down, and down, and down, and all of the big boulders were rolling down that way!  Lemmy hopped to his feet, and quickly dug a shallow hole in which he could take shelter.  He'd never seen anything like this in his entire life.  The boulders passed, leaving plumes of dust and gravel in their wake.  Lemmy rubbed the grit from his eyes, and then watched the boulders slowly descend into oblivion.  the earth was still tiliting crazily, and the angle at which it tilted was constantly getting steeper and steeper.  Lemmy struggled to grasp the reality of  this iminent doom, to keep from complete panic.  To think.  To think was the only way, the only possible way to keep himself from falling into the ends of nothingness that stretched away before his small burrow.  He needed to devise a plan.  Keeping his head level, he came up with a simple plan: to dig.  Again, he dug the hole, only this time he curved it towards the slope, always feeling to make sure that the hole's bottom was level.  The constant change of gravity dizzied him, making his work all the harder.  Not only that, but the ground kept getting harder and harder as he got deeper.  But he was a lemming!  He would succeed!  He could not fail no matter what, for to dig is to be a lemming!  Lemmy concentrated all of his strength on his task.  His midn was wheeling with thoughts of survival, what would happen if he faltered, why he was there.  Then, in the midst of it all, Lemmy felt the earth under him give.  He realized quickly, that the earth had made a full 180 degree rotation and stopped-he was digging towards his death.  he recoiled, and scampered back to the middle of his tunnel, and just in time.  When he looked back, he could see the hazy air of the earth outside in palce of gravel and grit.  He had won the battle, for the time being, anyway.  He was trapped in a tunnel in the air.  He had no food, nor did he have any water.  For a time, he laid down in his tunnel, and thought about misscellaneous things that just happened to cross his mind.  He had nothing better to do.  He was thinking about his old days of DOS Lemming playing, and how famous he was for his ability to lead his comrades to safety.  Now, he was forgotten, in a new age of games.  He remembered the digging, bashing, mining, floating, etc.  Then he remembered the digging again.  Digging.  He realized, that, maybe, just maybe, he could utilize that tool again.  He decided, that maybe, he could dig upwards.  That would be inventing a new skill though.  There was no dig up skill.  Lemmy had no choice, but to craft this skill from scratch.  He worked feverishly hard, for he only had so much time before thirst and hunger killed him.  At first, he guessed around, in the dark, trying different things and seeing where they took him.  It was difficult, and at first, it didn't seem like it would work.  Despite initial failure, he gradually developed an idea, from the gravity reversers in the newest lemming game.  He'd seen a lemming invent a gravity skill once.  He could reverse his gravity at any given time but only for awhile.  Then, the answer suddenly became clear.  He knew a general rule about digging: The skill continued until no more ground was left.  So, Lemmy could perform a gravity skill, and dig, and then even when the gravity skill ran out, the digging would continue, because of the rule.  With a fresh courage in his heart, Lemmy turned his gravity upside down, and started digging a hole in his tunnel's roof.  He dug for about two days straight, and he dug out four miles of ground.  Finally, his little hands broke the surface, and he quickly grabbed the edge of the hole.  To fall would mean his death.  So, he struggled out of the hole, and found that he was in a forest, with fresh apples on the trees.  A river flowed form a nearby mountain.  Lemmy bit into the apples, grateful for a meal, and drank more than enough water to quench his choking thirst.  Lemmy thought he had found paradise, for to him, at the moment, food and water were paradise.  He lounged under the shade of a tree while sitting his feet in the water.  It was a relaxing moment, and Lemmy thought that he ahould just sit there for the rest of hid life.

He couldn't really of course, and soon a reminder of that fact came in the form of Xan Kriegor.
"What happened, kid? The world blew up in the future, by the way."
"I failed. A crazy Mandalorien jumped and shot me, and my past. We fell into the mud."
"Heh. Good story. Now, what [I]really[/I] happened?"
"I TOLD YOU XAN! STOP MESSING WITH MY LIFE!"
Suddenly, two men in white coats emerged from the ground.
"Time to go for a little ride, Lemmy." one of them sneered.
"NOOO!" Lemmy roared. He lept into the air and took off at a run. A huge cube smashed into him, launching him through the air. All went dark.

                                                                          ---

When he woke up, he was lying on a bed in the dreaded 'hosp'.
"You've had a bat night, eh?" the lead doctor asked him "Here. Take this." He handed Lemmy a pill.
"N-No! Don't... Give me your.... Poison!" Lemmy slurred. He sluggishly pulled the sheets off and stumbled towards the window. He Spread his arms wide and inhaled the air. Suddenly, the railing broke away and he plunged out the window.

You mean the huge boulder-cube from my post, or just some other cube?

It dosn't really matter. The point is to get across that Lemmys life is a surreal series of 1 in 1000 accidents.

Lemmy hit his face on the hard pavement. He had the now-not-so-strange feeling that he ought to be dead, but of course, he wasn't.
And to nobody's great surprise, Xan Kriegor was standing in front of him.
He looked up, expecting Xan to say something, but he didn't.
"What's WRONG with you?" Lemmy shouted. "You make my life a living hell, and now you won't even TALK to me?"
He scrambled to his feet, a mad light in his eyes, and ran half-crouched down the street singing a song in a language he didn't even know.
Xan just stared after him as Lemmy rounded the corner, tripped over an old motorscooter, and skidded fifty feet before landing in a bloody heap at the base of a news building.

...uh...why do we keep killing Lemmy?  Seriously!  I mean, is he simply some kind of thing we take our frustrations out on?  Huh?  What gives?  And who is this Xan anyway?

Read 'Favourite Game Charactor' thread. Xan is explained there. And yes, that is one good thoery about poor lemmy.  :'(
Another is that violence is funny. Or maybe just that we are violent people.

* * *

When Lemmy came to, he was in...
"Welcome to the HOSP, [I]young[/I] Sir Lemmy!" the lead doctor said, his eyes glowing a brilliant yellow.
"You... Freaks of nature! You made... Made me come back!" Lemmy gasped.
"There now, you've had a bat night. Don't worry. Take this pill."
"Is it poision?"
"No, it's a mind altering drug."
Lemmy hurled the pill out the window a sat up.
"Where do you keep... err, Caffiene?" Lemmy asked with a clueless exrpession.
"The yellow box" The doctor replied, as one under hypnosis is want to do. Lemmy got up and tore up the box with a savage cry. He stood panting as little yellow pills began to spill out of the box in a river. He began scooping them up one after another.
Xan walked into the room.
"Xan! It isn't killing me! Why?!" Lemmy shouted in anger, turning on the cyborg.
"Because you aren't eating them." Xan said. Lemmy began to eat pill after pill.
"It still isn't killing me."
"Of course it isn't, kid. You're immortal, remember?"
"Reverse it! REVERSE IT!" Lemmy shouted, pounding his fist on the wall.

"I cannot do that, Lemmy."
Lemmy's eyes bugged out, and he clawed the ground in a feeble gesture.
Xan continued to stare at Lemmy.
"You are disrupted the sacred peace and security of the hospital," the doctor droned.
Lemmy jumped. He had forgotten the mindless menace was still there!
"To hell with the peace and security of the hospital," Lemmy snarled. "I know what you people are doing here! You're running a sham! You're conning HONEST folk out of their money! You two-bit, scum-ridden, mud-wallowing parasitical crooks!"
Lemmy paused for a moment, panting. "I'LL KILL THE LOT OF YOU!" he roared, lunging at the doctor, who nimbly dodged aside and hurled Lemmy against the wall. He saw stars.
Through his haze of pain he could make out Xan and the doctor battling, but it was a very breif battle. No sooner did the doctor pull out an M-16, Xan pulled out a flak cannon, and the doctor lay bleeding on the floor.
"You will not have to deal with him again," Xan remarked.
"I won't have to deal with anything again," Lemmy whispered. "It's cold. There's blood on the floor. I... I think I'm dying!"
"Snap out of it, kid," Xan growled. "You're not dead yet, and you won't be. Didn't I just tell you that you can't die? Get up!"
Lemmy felt himself being jerked to his feet as if by invisable strings. "How did you do that?" he asked, with a completely clueless expression on his face.
"Trade secret," Xan hissed. And then he was gone.

Lemmy looked around the bloodspattered room. It appeared to be a fairly normal hospital aside from that, and the bodies sprawled hap-hazardly across cold metal tables.
Lemmy bent and rifled the fast cooling corpse of the doctor. He found nothing useful on him, and spat at the wall.
He was vaguely dissapointed when his spit didn't burn a hole through the wall.
That didn't last long, however; he thought he had a plan. He tied all of the bedsheets together, tied the M-16 to the end, and tossed the whole contraption out the window. Then he clambered out the window.

Only after he was somewhat safely on the other side did he realize that he could have simply walked out the door. Lemmy shrugged, tossed the makeshift rope into the street, and walked along, humming to himself. He laughed raucously and gave the thumb's-up sign when his rope created a thirty car pileup in the middle of the road.
But his happy state of mind was not to last, for...

in San Fransisco, there was a bug.  Someone stepped on it.  The bug's juice ran down inot the gutter, and into the sewers.  From there, it flowed into the local reservoir.  A bird drank the juice while taking a drink.  The bird flew around for a couple feet, and then died because a hunter shot it.  The hunter ate the bird.  The bug juice gave him food poisoning, however, and he ran around in circles.  This caused a disturbance in the air.  The disturbance was sensed by all local squirrels.  The squirrels met, and decided to get rid of the disturbance.  A human was the cause of the disturbance, so all the squirrels decided to eliminate humans.  They started with the hunter.  After that, they all moved to destroy San Fransisco.  The United States military and the squirrels faced off.  The squirrels won.  This threw the entire western hemisphere into panic, as they feared that it would quickly lead to a squirrel version of "The Planet of the Apes".  In their frenzied panic, people started to drill on fault lines.  They caused huge earth quakes, which registerd magnitudes of above 15.5 on the Richter scale (...I'm not even sure if it goes that high.).  The earthquakes disrupted the whole world.  This made the eastern hemisphere mad.  So, they went to war with the western hemisphere, and both sides blasted the crud out of each other with nuclear bombs. Not long after the war started, the earth split into two pieces.  One went hurtling towards the earth like planet Lemmy was currently on.  That's why he wouldn't be so happy anymore soon.  The moral: DO NOT EVER STEP ON A BUG...okay, never mind - go ahead.  It's a better place without them.

"THE SKY IS FALLLLIIIIIINNNNGGG!! AND I'M HAPPPPPYYYYY!!" Lemmy sang as he charged along the street.
"Why?" Xan asked.
"Because people will die."
"[I]you[/I] will die, Lemmy."
"I [I]can't[/I] die, Xan."
"Maybe not. But you will be nothing but a broken bag of bones and blood in... 33 seconds and counting."
"Can you stop it?!"
"Of course I can. But I won't."
"Yes you will you scrap-heap spawn!"
"Why would I do that?"
"Becauase [B]I[/B] say so!"
"Heh. And when Lemmy the amateur speak, people listen, eh?" Said a snide man lounging by the road.
"10 seconds." Said Xan.
"STOP IT!"
"9 seconds."
"I'LL KILL YOU!"
"8 seconds."
"Look Xan! I'll give you 50 bucks to stop it!"
"4 seconds."
Lemmy could see the huge mass in the sky. Gravity was acting up. Hugr waves were battering the shores. Strangely, Xan was not affected.
A strange feeling came over Lemmy. He reached his hand out and snarled "Ugahf!". The half-planet shrank to the size of the moon.
"Gah! Ugahf! Ugahf! UGAHF!" Lemmy shouted in terror.
The moon sized object shrank to be about 1000 feet on a side, and smashed into the planet.

Lemmy watched with horror as the chunk of rock punched straight through the planet, creating a donut-hole like tunnel.
"Xan?" he asked. "I haven't died yet. Neither has anyone else."
"You will."
At that moment, Lemmy heard the pain-filled screams of the dying, and saw hundreds of little people being pulled apart into atoms.
"That's awful!" he said, happily. "I've never seen such carnage!"
"You will."
Lemmy whirled around. "Xan, STOP THAT!"
The robot gave no answer, and Lemmy's perception of space and time warped out of all recognition. He thought he was skewed, and then he thought that it was merely space and time that were skewed.
And then he was lying face down on a black slab of stone.
Not another sacrifice, Lemmy thought, but then he realized that that was not the case. He threw himself off the slab with a strangled yell.
"Time for some REAL work," he snarled, and stalked around the black room.

He sat down, and began to work on a 243,634,933.00000000000000000000000000000000000009 piece jigsaw puzzle of himself.

He thought he spent years working on the thing, but he finally finished. "It was long, difficult work," he snarled to himself, "But it was worth it. Never before have I seen such a perfect likeness of ... ME, LEMMY!"
He pounded his chest, and then tripped over the puzzle and slid straight through the wall.
He was horrified to discover it was an illusion, and he was standing in a dark, boulder-strewn plane of rock. The sun was setting, staining the sky blood-red and purple.
"I could've done this at any time!" Lemmy wailed. "What a fool I am!"
Then a sudden realization stuck him. "Good Lord! -Choke- My jigsaw puzzle! How could I!" he exclaimed, walking over to the edge of a large precipice.
He was just about to jump from it and end it all, when suddenly...

HE MUTATED INTO A SMILEY!!!  LEMMY =>  :devil:

"Hey kid. What's happened to ya?" Xan asked, leaning on the post of a swinging tavern door. Lemmy tried to asnwer, but all that came out of his mouth was an absurd series of HTML errors.

Xan took another look at Lemmy, and then doubled over laughing.
Lemmy tried to make a sarcastic comment, but as before, he could not. He felt like his head was going to explode...
... And it did.
Fortunately, that fixed his problem -- he was back in his own body again.
"Stop laughing at me!" he snarled at Xan, clenching his paws on the railing. "Or I'll -- I'll --"
"Or you'll what, kid?" Xan gasped. "Mutate into something even more bizarre?"
"No... where did you get that idea, Xan?" Lemmy asked, an utterly clueless expression coming across his face.
Xan shook his head. "Never mind, kid. Just jump over the edge."
"That's what I was going to do earlier!" Lemmy whined. "Why now? Why me? Why this lonely planetary hulk?"
Xan pushed Lemmy over the edge.

He immdeiately proceeded to pull out his umbrella (He had been one of the lucky few to be given a floater assignement, and he kept his cherished umbrella since that time.).  He opened it up, and...

It's top inverted and the umbrella broke.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Lemmy roared. His primal rage flowed from him, and the broken thing repaired itself.

This was fortunate because the umbrella was awesome  B) and there was a guy with sunglasses.  He was torepedoed.

A warehouse had some boxes


  



Lemmy landed on the boxes  :D.


EDIT:  wah.  The boxes won't show up. :'(

"These... boxes... they don't work, Xan!" Lemmy gasped, his face suffused once more with utter cluelessnes as he fell straight through the boxes and landed with a resounding clang on the cold, metal floor.
"They work perfectly, kid," Xan hissed. "I'll thank you to remember that we are mortal enemies."
Lemmy stared. "Xan... you're my friend! You... you can't betray me! I... they'll take me to the hosp! You can't do this to me, Xan!"
"Sorry, old boy," Xan snarled, tossing a cigar on the ground and grinding it beneath his heel. "I'm with the enemy on this one. Lemmy must DIE."
Then he turned on his heel and strode out, leaving Lemmy to ponder why he had a cigar and wasn't smoking it.
It took far longer than it should've, but Lemmy eventually came to the conclusion that he couldn't, for he was a cyborg.
And then the reality of the situation sank in on poor Lemmy. He realized that surrounding him were...

Thousands of horrible creatures, all of them created in the twisted image of a Lemming. With a start, he realized they all looked like him!
"Uh... OK boys! Form up against the right wall! Smile for the camera!" Lemmy said, waving his hand around and putting a cheesy smile on.

"We are not here for your ... MAGIC PICTURE," the seeming leader of the group snarled. "We are here to... KILL YOU."
As one, they reached into their backpacks and pulled out climbing spikes. Then they attached them to their hands, and advanced on Lemmy with the light of madness and murder in their eyes.
"No... buddies! You don't want to do this!" Lemmy gasped, his eyes going wide with fear. "I'm YOU! You're all ME! We are ONE and the SAME!"
They stared at him. There was was no intelligence in their dead eyes. Lemmy was horrified.
"Great Chaos Gods!" Lemmy screamed. "If you're like me, then... then I must be... like you!"
They stared at him. Some of them had even gone slackjawed.
Slowly, Lemmy reached his hands up and gouged his own eyes out. Then he fell to the ground in a pool of blood, and his world once again faded to blackness...

... This time, though, he awoke in precisely the same spot in which he had fallen, and the lifeless mob still surrounded him. Only problem was, he was minus both his eyes.
Strangely, he could still see. This gave him a kind of exalted relief.
"It must be my demon powers!" Lemmy exclaimed. "Only they could save me from blindness."
Ignoring the complete illogic of his statement, Lemmy stood, thrust out his arms, and started yelling in a garbled tongue.
All his clones fell dead.

Lemmy, drained, sagged to the floor. He felt somebody behind him, and looked up, to stare into the unblinking faceplate of...

The automatic butler.
"WOULD YOU LIKE SOME CHEESE WITH YOUR WHINE?" it asked.
"Uh... Two things. I'm not having wine, and you're eating my eyes." Lemmy said, staring oddly at the robot.
"NO, I AM FAIRLY CERTAIN THAT THESE ARE NOT YOUR EYES. BUT IF YOU WANT THEM, THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT." It pulled out two oversized green olives and slammed them into his skull.

Lemmy screamed and writhed with pain as the olive juices seeped down his face and into his brain simultaneously.
"What have you done to me?" he wailed, pitching sideways into the bloody, mutilated remains of one of his clones. "I'll never... see again!"
There was a long pause, filled only by Lemmy's bitter weeping.

"WE HAVE NON-ALCOHOLIC GIN, WHISKEY, VODKA. LOOKS THE SAME, TASTES THE SAME," the mechanical butler grated, breaking the silence.
"Damn you!" Lemmy snarled. "You blinded me for life, and you dare ask me what sort of non-alcoholic beverage I want? I want VODKA, curse it all, and I want the alcohol as well!"
"YES, SIR," the butler intoned. "AS I SAID, THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS CORRECT."
There was another pause, and then several bottles of vodka spewed forth from a slot in the demonic convenience machine.
"Th-thank you!" Lemmy gulped, and proceeded to glug down all the bottles at once.
He slumped into a dazed, drunken stupor, and then started singing sea chanties. The mechanical butler joined in in a bizarre, cacaphonaus harmonic.

And that was where Xan Kriegor found Lemmy. "I'm not surprised, kid," Xan growled, leaning against the wall.

Then Lemmy regrew his eyeballs, and they had heat vision upgrades.  The automated butler said
"WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO EXPLODE?" Lemmy thought for a brief second.
"...yes."
"THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT.  YES, RIGHT AWAY SIR!"
So, the butler began vibrating, and his metal exterior began heating up and turned bright red.  Eventually, there was a big firey explosion and the butler flew into a million pieces!  A large plume of smoke filled the room.  Lemmy choked on the smoke.  Shortly before the smoke cleared, Lemmy heard
"WOULD YOU LIKE ANYTHING ELSE SIR?"
"...um...sure.   Destroy all of my enemies."
"THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT.  OF COURSE.  ALL ENEMIES OF  LEMMY *LAST NAME CENSORED!!!!* SHALL BE DESTROYED."  The automated butler went off to find Xan!

An indestructible butler vs. an indestructible cyborg.  Interesting.

"Well, he's gone, and hopefully Xan will be too...permanently."  Lemmy said in a disgusted tone.
"...I'm hungry..." Lemmy said.  He dug into the boxes to find piping hot pepperoni pizza!  "Oh boy!" Lemmy said.  He began to eat the pizza.
-----------------------------
Man, do I feel like eating some pizza right now!
X_X

As it turned out, Xan solved the problem by locking the automatic butler in an indestructable box, loading it into a spaceship, and setting it on a direct, unalterable course for the nearest sun.
Then he walked back towards Lemmy, dusting off his hands, and casually stole Lemmy's pizza.
"Hey!" Lemmy yelled, groping wildly for the pizza, but Xan had already tossed it down the hatch (quite literally).
"Xan," Lemmy whined, "Why do you have to steal all of my food? Do you want me to starve?"
"Of course not, kid," Xan said, clapping Lemmy on the back. "I'm your friend."
Lemmy stared at Xan in shock. And then...

He callapsed in a heap on the floor. His head fell forward and hit the floor like a ripe grapefruit.

When Lemmy woke up, he looked at Xan quizically, and asked, mystified
"But...Xan...You and I have been enemies through out the entire course of this aimless wandering idiotic story.  Why...why the sudden change of heart?  Oh, and would you let me have some pizza already?"
"Alright, sure."  Xan handed Lemmy a slice.  He did not hesitate to gobble it down. "Well, I don't know.  The authors kind of agreed on it, so I went with it, and now we're buddies.  We've been through a lot together...of course, we were enemies, but nevertheless.  We are now the invincible allies!".......

"Really?... Friends?" Lemmy asked, a clueless look on his face as he slowly chewed the Pizza. Suddenly, something hit him on the back, and he doubled over. He bit the end of his tongue off and coughed most of his insides up.

He woke up in a giant sea.  He was still unsure of Xan.

And then it hit him. He doubled over in agony and sunk beneath the waves. He watched in wonder, and then anger as bubbles seeped from his mouth.
"XAN! I'm not dying!" Lemmy shouted.
"Now there's a surprise" Xan said, snidely.
"I'll... I'll wipe that factory made smirk off your wretched mass produced face!"

*presses the STOP button*

This story is getting really boring and predictable.  Could we please cut down on the Xan just a little?  Thanks.

*presses the PLAY button*

[OK, I'll do something different]

So Lemmy did. Xan broke into little peices. Suddenly, a swirling black vortex appeared in front of him, and he was transported to a old western tavern.
"What's with ye freaky hair, eh?" A old man asked him. The old man took a long pull on a bottle of whisky.
"My... My hair? Oh. My hair. Right. Well, nothing [I]seems[/I] to be wrong with it... Of course... Something [I]could[/I] be wrong with it, and me not knowing... Hmm..." Lemmy mused.
"Weirdo." The old man muttered. Suddenly...

Lemmy knifed the guy and dragged his body out the back.  He threw him into a pile of trash.  Everyone might just mistake him for a dead tramp if he could dress the wound well enough.  He worked quickly and efficiently, and, the old man did indeed look like a tramp that had just died out on the streets.
"There's nothin' wrong with my hair."  Lemmy said in a low angry tone.

Snarling with incoherent rage, Lemmy stalked back into the tavern. He was greeted with a chorus of cheers, and arms flailing wildly in the air.
"What did I do?" he asked. And then his eyes fell on the center of the room.
It was the old man, laid to rest in an ornate wooden coffin in the center of the room. There was a plaque near it reading 'Slain by the hand of Lemmy the Great'.
Lemmy blinked.
"Hear ye, my people!" he shouted, a sudden chaotic impulse seizing him. He crouched and sprung easily onto the coffin, his head darting from side to side. "I slew this man! And why do you think I did that?"
There was silence from the house.
"Because he insulted my hair, that's why!" Lemmy shouted, pumping his arm in the air, said hair flying every which way. He gnashed his teeth. "And if any other insult me thusly -- THEIR DEATHS SHALL FOLLOW!"
Silence, then roaring applause. To Lemmy's surprise, the seething crowd jostled around, picked him up, and carried him to the Town Square, cheering all the while.
Lemmy wondered what would happen to him this time.

Then, while still applauding him, they threw him down a well :P.

He started to drown.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" He cried. Suddenly...

His wings sprouted from his back once more, and he was enveloped in a writhing sheet of flame. He twisted his hands, and time and space seemed to skew before the might of Lemmy's demonic powers.
Unfortunately for Lemmy, that was just an illusion. He continued to plummet down the watery depths.

He kept falling.
"Hey! Can we stop this falling scene?" Lemmy yelled. He hit the floor instantly. He was in a chamber lit by torches. Searching the chamber, Lemmy found a bunny rabbit. "Awww, what a cute-" Lemmy began, but jumped back as metallic panels opened on the bunny and hundreds of kinds of guns and weapons pointed at him. The bunny fired all the guns at once, destroying every cell of Lemmy's body.

However, it turned out that at the instant of destruction, Lemmy's entire biological data had been mapped into a computer.
Once again, time and space warped around Lemmy, and he saw flashing mesh patterns in bright primary colors. He felt like he was swimming through black ooze.
Then his world distorted, everything went black, and he distantly heard a thudding sound as his body hit the floor.

After a few moments, he opened his eyes... only to realize that he was inside an enourmous computer!
"I'm standing on a circuit board!" Lemmy yelped. "I'm going to cause a malfunction!"
The paranoid creature lept to the side, and came face to face with...

...Mr. Ksoft.

"Hey! I thought you were only a forum member!" Lemmy yelled.
"I can choose if I want to be here," Mr. Ksoft muttered. "And I can also choose HOW YOU DIE!" He lunged forward and kicked Lemmy in the chest. Lemmy fell to the ground and rolled into a capsule. Mr. Ksoft began typing commands into a computer, and the capsule sealed shut.
"What are you doing!?" Lemmy screamed. The capsule began to fill with water.
"Stop! Stop! Stopppopopopop!" Lemmy gurgled as he went underwater. The capsule was entirely full of water. Mr. Ksoft sent another command into the computer and some kind of electrical charges were sent to the capsule. Lemmy screamed in agony as the electric bolts were magnified in the water. Suddenly it stopped. The capsule fell open, and Lemmy rolled onto the floor, which collapsed.
He fell through the sky and saw that he had been in a giant airship. Lemmy hit the ground. He was in a desolate wasteland.
"Where am I?" Lemmy asked. He heard footsteps behind him. He turned and saw a huge army of metallic lemmings. He looked up and saw Mr. Ksoft flying over the army.
"Thank you for the genetic data!" Mr. Ksoft laughed. "Now the world will belong to Me... and Xan!"

----
(Boy, that was long, now that I look at it!)

"You mean..." Lemmy stuttered "Xan... Xan?". A couple of men in white coats entered.
"It's gone to his head," The lead doctor sneered "We will have to... [I]operate[/I]."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Lemmy wailed "DO NOT OPEERRRAAATEEE ON MYYEEEEE!!!!!". He dug a whole in the ground and burrowed into it. One of them sprayed gas down the hole.

Then Lemmy became a donut.  A squirrel sniffed him and then ran away.  Then an ant sniffed him and ran away.  Then a dog sniffed him and ran away.  Then an elephant picked him up, put him on its back, and started running.  Somehow, they ended up on a pole.  The pole was sinking.  The pole was about 20 miles high.  Lemmy the donut was starting to decay.  So, he decided to become a rock.  Suddenly a voice came over him and said
"You have one conversion left."  Lemmy had no idea what that meant until it was too late.  He decided to transform into a boulder.
"You have no conversions left."  Now lemmy became aware of his fate.
"Mkay.......so I'm a boulder now....****."

Suddenly, Lemmy saw the code of the world. It was written in Q Basic.
"What? That... That means I'm.... BASIC????" Lemmy gasped. He looked the code over. It was 803,210,305,104,104,102,104,184 lines.
"It's all... Spag.... Spagha.... Spgahtety.... What is the word?" Lemmy gasped. He suddenly realized he had the brain of the rock, too.

The world coded in qbasic?   :D lol.

With a blinding flash, an evil Lon appeared.
"What are you?"
"Ha!  I am a Lon!"
"Which Lon are you?"

"The oooooonnnlllyyyy Lon!" the Lon exclaimed.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! That's crazy talk!" Lemmy gasped in panic. Then he snapped out of it and murdered the Lon.

A hamster ran up onto Lemmy's shoulder.

but quickly jumped off because

The smell was so bad, to which Lemmy remembered, "I havn't had a shower for weeks!" He quickly ran toward the blue abyss in search of water.

Some weird creature jumped out of a hole and punched him.

"Y'can't do that t'me, cheif," Lemmy slurred, pulling his arm back for a powerful punch. Just as his fist was about to connect with the weird creature's face, he noticed the thing had slid to the side. It also looked different.
"Shapeshifters!" he snarled. "I hate shapeshifters! They make my SKIN crawl!"
Crashing through the previously unnoticed underbrush, Lemmy set off after it at top speed. Unsurprisingly, after a time, he tripped over a root and sprawled flat on his face.
He also wasn't particularly surprised when he heard a whirring sound behind him. He spun around, digging deep furrows in the muddy ground, only to see...

"I tell ya chief..." Lemmy gasped "This ain't good"
"You're right." A huge creature wearing a chefs apron waddled out "This ain't good at all, but with hot-"
"AAAARRGGHH!!!!" Lemmy roared. He did some weird hand motions and the creature exploded. Lemmy licked the little bits of himself. Then he sat down, got out a bottle of vodka, and started cursing.

In his inebriated stated, he cursed each of the eight Lemras: Climbra, Floatra, Bombra, Blockra, Buildra, Bashra, Minera and Diggra. Before Lemmy’s eyes formed a spectral green-haired apparition. This ghostly lemming radiated such a bright and sallow glow that it hurt for Lemmy to look at it.

“Look deep inside yourself, Lemmy,” said the spirit in a soft and motherly voice. Lemmy peered into his reflection on the side of the vodka bottle. Tiny teary pearls bubbled in the inner corners of his eyes. ‘What to make of myself?’ thought Lemmy. No one had ever taught him how to build, float or even blow himself up. Now he was nineteen years old, Lemmy had nothing to take with him into the next life.

“You know it’s not too late,” said the spirit, her head sympathetically tilted toward her shoulder, “you can still make something of yourself.”

“But spirit,” lamented Lemmy, “you talk with vagueness! My life has been guided by abstraction, and my bad habits have set like concrete.” His eyes were wistful and full of earnest, but her eyes sunk to the bottom of their sockets and ceased to engage him.

He gave up. He knocked back another mouthful of vodka and searched for a place to sleep in the vast underbrush.

After he woke up, he was on a stick.  It was floating in the middle of a big infinite white space.  After a couple of seconds, he realized that he was holding a small hand held computer display that said "HEADING FOR POINT B".  Lemmy decided to sit on the stick until it got to point B...whatever that was.  So, he sat on the stick for about 5 days.  He entertained himself wit hhis own stupidity.  This was enough to get him through the five days.  When the stick reached point B, there was nothing there.  Point B didn't exist.  It was just a reference to a part of the space Lemmy was moving through.  After the stick stopped for about 5 seconds, the display showed "HEADING FOR POINT T".  Lemmy was bored of this stupid stick.  He had no other choice though than to stay on the stick.  So, he did.  About 10 days later, he saw another stick.  It was about 3 feet away.  He decided that maybe if he got on another stick, he might go somewhere interesting.  So, he tried to jump on the stick across from him, but, when he jumped, he found that he just stayed at the crest of his jump.  So, the stick was passing under  him at about 4 MPH, when he turned his body 90 degrees downward, and then walked onto the stick and reoriented himself.  After he sat on the stick, his display exploded, and he got a new one out of nowhere after 5 seconds.  It said "HEADING FOR POINT B".
"....Oh....yeah....that's just great....." Lemmy thought.  Then he got an idea.  He walked off the stick.  Then he kept walking.  After walking for about 5 days, he got to point B on accident, and then after five seconds, his display registered "ILLEGAL OPERATION - OBJECT AT POINT WITHOUT STICK.  TERMINATE."  Then the display blew up, and 5 seconds later, Lemmy's vision went blank.  Then 5 more seconds later, he woke up in a room with a weird kid wearing a hat.  The room was dim except for a computer monitor through which the kid was watching...sticks moving through a vast white space...wow.  That kid needs to get a life.  Well, whatever.  After that strange ordeal, Lemmy....

After that, Lemmy paced over toward the kid and peered over his shoulder. It seemed there was something written on those black and pixellated sticks that he couldn’t quite make out.

“Hey kid,” said Lemmy, “hows about you change the resolution of that there display?” The kid obliged, which Lemmy found somewhat unusual: young whiz-kids tend to dismiss Lemmy at the sound of his breath.

At the more comfortable resolution of 640x480, Lemmy could make out the writing on those black and pixellated sticks.

‘POINT LESS,’ they read. Lemmy took another sip from his bottle.

“Point less?” Lemmy pondered to himself. “Point less… what do you suppose that means, kid?”

“Well, my mum always used to tell me it was rude to point,” answered the kid.

“So she was telling you to point less?”

“Hey, I guess she was.”

“How about a sip of this here Tolstoy vodka?”

“Sure.”

The two of them drank until the moon lit the room and the drink lit their hearts. Through Lemmy’s vision, the white of the moonlight and the black of the room melted together into a hazy grey. In a blurry turn he looked at the kid. The kid looked back with his own drunken eyeballs. Lemmy pointed at him.

“Y’know, kid,” slurred Lemmy, “you’re my b-best friend!”

As though Lemmy were imbued with some magical power, the kid started to shapeshift as a result of Lemmy's finger wagging...

"Dang...ya know, I really oughta stop that..." Lemmy thought.

Lemmy did not remain to see what hideous apparition would be born of his mistake. He took one look at the wavering form of the boy. Then he hurled his bottle of vodka at him with all his meager strength, made a snarling noise deep in his throat, and ran.
To his suprise, he actually made it through the door. This was more coincidence than any actually recognition of time and space on Lemmy's part, but so full of the drink was he that it mattered not.

After a time, he tripped over a metallic object in his path. Something about the object triggered his memory, but his brain failed to supply him with the answer, so he lay sprawled on the ground.
Minutes went by, and then something prodded him in the side. Blearily, Lemmy raised his head, and stared into an all-too familiar face with a groan.
"Not you," he slurred.
"You've got a lot of repressed feelings, don't you, Lemmy?" snarled a voice. "Must be what's keeping your hair up."
"You make... make no sense!" Lemmy gasped, rolling to a sitting position.
He blinked. He felt as if his reality had once again collapsed around him. The robot in front of him was utterly unfamiliar.
"You're not who I thought you were," he said.
"That's right."
"Then how do you know my NAME?" Lemmy roared, unreasonably aggravated by the simple fact.
"The database knows all," the robot responded in a truly infuriating manner. "All beings are categorically sorted in the great database."
Lemmy wrestled to get his rage under control, and failed. "WHAT database?" he snarled. "How can I, the greatest of beings, be categorized?!"
The robot laughed at him.

Panic rushed beneath Lemmy’s skin. His brain felt tender. The robot had projected his own sickening power into Lemmy’s mind, and a crushing discomfort consumed him. It seemed if Lemmy didn’t escape the robot’s presence then a dreadful thing might happen.

Lemmy’s head shook violently from side to side as his eyes searched for an exit. To his right he saw a stairwell’s entrance leading to the ground floor, but the relief he felt at seeing this stayed with him for but a discourteously brief moment as from the stairwell he heard footsteps of increasing loudness.

The robot’s presence and this new variable – this thing climbing the stairs – crushed Lemmy’s soul in a most terrifying way. As Lemmy sunk his head between his trembling knees, a new sound could be heard. The sounds of shimmering chimes and splashing water accompanied the footsteps, and in Lemmy’s mind these new sounds offset the terror of the old one.

“Wilson,” said a woman from the stairwell, “I’ve poured you some fresh orange juice.”
‘Fresh orange?’ thought Lemmy.

A woman in her forties entered the room from the stairwell and almost fell over backward when she saw a robot and an oversized rodent squatting in the upstairs corridor.

“What on earth is going on here?” asked the woman.
“That bloody robot is categorising me with its flippin’ database thingamajig!” said Lemmy, flailing his arms around. The woman expressed bemusement at this.
“Yes, and this pathetic rodent can’t handle it,” said the robot with a most haughty expression. The woman recognised the voice of this robot as being the voice of her son, Wilson.
“A grand database,” said Wilson’s mum, “sounds too complicated for me!”
“Everybody’s name is stored on the grand database,” said Wilson, “their names, occupation, nickname as a child, everything.”
“Am I on that database thingie?”
“Of course. There’s a picture of you on here, as well.”
“Ooh, isn’t technology marvellous!”

Lemmy instantly saw the opportunity offered to him by this inane tęte-ŕ-tęte. Quietly and with his head down he crawled toward the stairwell and made his escape.

However, poor Lemmy was never a lucky Lemming. As he was crawling towards the stairs with his head down, he failed to see that the staircase became the most malevolent of devices, the spiral staircase.
With a squawk of horror, Lemmy plunged through the gap between railing and stair, and barely managed to cling there precariously.
Moments later, he worked up the courage to open his eyes, and noticed that he was dangling mere feet from the ground. "No guts, no glory," he muttered to himself, and let go.

Contrary to his earlier observation, it now appeared that he had in fact been hanging closer to five hundred feet in the air than five. His world faded into a hazy display of flashing lights, and he thought he heard insanely loud music playing off in the distance.

And for a time, he knew no more.

Then, he woke up, on a stick.  He was in a giant white space that went on forever.  Five seconds later a computer display appeared in his hands.  It said "HEADING FOR POINT B".  Lemmy put his hand on his face and threw the display away, only to have another one appear, yeah, you guessed it, five seconds later.

"I will not be stuck in a loop!" Lemmy growled, cursing and evoking the names of all the fictional demons he could think of under his breath.
He closed his eyes, spread his arms, and felt the power surging through him. He began to get slightly worried when he smelled ozone and could dimly see his snout crackling with electrical charge -- but fortunately, just before he fried to a crisp, all the current leaped to the white sticks.
Lemmy blinked. "Wonderful," he said, sarcasm verily dripping from his words. "I gotta get those demon powers under control."
As it turned out, all he had managed to do was electrify the white sticks.
Ominously, they turned towards him and began narrowing in upon him.
"Oh no!" he gasped. "I'm going to die!"

However, just in the nick of time...

Just in the nick of time, he opened his other eye, granting him perception of three-dimensional depth and thus illuminating the reality of his situation. The white sticks were shown to Lemmy as being but mere pencils. Of course, Lemmy's plight would have remained the same regardless of whether or not he had lifted his slacker eyelid: Lemmy's percieved reality doesn't dictate objective reality. Or maybe it does, and because of this new thread of doubt that I have weaved into the tale, the white sticks were once again imbued with a dreadful monstrousness.

With that pointless paragraph behind him, Lemmy saw that his only option besides death was to leap off of the stick and into the great white vista. After much contemplation, Lemmy chose death.

***

Lemmy lay dazed on a hard mortar floor.

"Get up, Lemmy!" said someone.
"Am I in heaven?" asked Lemmy.
"Heaven can wait." said the someone.
"We hope!" interjected another someone.

Sluggishly, Lemmy opened his eyes. He couldn't make out what anything was; every pixel of his vision was like a tiny star.

"So where am I?" he asked.

"The great database," they said as they helped him up,
"Not THE database!" Lemmy cried in disbelief "I heard about how we are all categorized into a database thingymajigy, and you're now telling me that I'm now actually INSIDE this thing!"
"Yes, weird isn't it?" the someone replied. "When I first came here, I was as confused as you was. Trust me, you will adjust."
"Unfortunately there is no such thing as Heaven." The second someone stated, "It's just a thing made up by living creatures to explain death."
"What you mean I'm dead?" Lemmy questioned.
"Up here, we don't like to think of it as death," the someone said "we prefer the term 'Medigrate'."
"Everyone up here has special names depending on how they lived their life," the second someone explained, "Because I spent most of my life carrying a brolley, they call me Floatra"
"Right, and I'm Climbra" the someone interrupted
"Of course, you'll need a name too," Floatra continued, "since you were dedicated to traveling, we'll call you Walkra"

Lemmy was taken aback. That last bit of info gave him the impression that he was now one of the great Lemra's.

"We need to take you to the Boss, he's been expecting you" Floatra told Lemmy
"He expects ME?"
"Yup, and he doesn't like to be kept waiting."

10 minutes later; Lemmy, Climbra, and Floatra had reached the foot of...

10 minutes later, Lemmy, Climbra and Floatra has reached the tapping foot of Blockra, the awe-inspiring and not to mention ten tonne Lemmus lemmus.

“That giant of a Lemming is Blockra,” said Floatra, “he’s the guardian of the database.”
“Seems a cheerful chap,” said Lemmy while eyeing the skyscraper-tall rodent up and down in a most neck-aching fashion.
“He’s here to keep the Bombras from getting into the valley.”
“I suppose you wouldn’t want those chaps spoiling the quaintness of this fair place.”
“Certainly not,” interrupted Cimbra, “we don’t want those flippin’ bombras nicking our jobs and stealing our women. Shoot ‘em. Send ‘em back to the moon, that’s what I say.”
Upon hearing Climbra’s outspoken tirade, Lemmy started to feel a little uncomfortable.
“Er, so where do the bombras go when restricted entry here?” asked Lemmy.
“To the quarry,” said Floatra, “the boss assigns them each a number and then they just walk into the pits and self-destruct in the most explosive fashion.”
“That sounds horrible!” said Lemmy, his eyes like golf balls, “you mean to say that they live their real lives as bombers, and then they get sent here – who knows how – and get blown up again? Terrible! And what then? Are they consigned to live and die in a continuous cycle, never to be free of their detonative reincarnation?”
“They are the servant class,” said Floatra, “that is their purpose in life, or indeed lives. It sounds unfair, but the grand system just wouldn’t work without it being so.”

Lemmy felt sick at the notion of an eternity spent having ones skin and bones torn apart. And what of this servant-class talk? Might the savage bombras of the database be slave to the more privileged classes before being sent to that hellish quarry place? Lemmy always thought that all Lemmings were equal, that each Lemming’s contribution to the completion of a task - no matter how self-destructive that contribution be – was held in similar esteem to that of its fellow’s. But the afterlife had gifted Lemmy a certain birds-eye-view of the Lemming condition: that maybe some Lemmings really are valued above others. This filled Lemmy with a deep and profound sadness.

“Lemmy,” said Floatra, “the boss lives in a little house a few hundred yards from the quarry. Let’s go!”

"Er...I dont' like this place..."  Lemmy quavered.
"Again, you will certainly adjust in time." Floatra said.
The situation was unnerving.  Lemmy did not like this place.  How it worked set his conscience stirring in wild circles, telling him that this place was not right, it was altogether evil.  He needed to...help, this place.  He eventually gave in to his desires and formed a plan...

They continued their long walk to the bosses house, jaunting and joking along the way.  Behind his humor though Lemmy was furiously scheming and plotting.  He had to right this place for all lemanity.  He was reminded of the apartheid in South Africa, and how the original inhabitants of the area were treated as unequal and given the poorer lots in life.

When he got to the boss's house, he...

(Hint for the next part...if someone so desires it to be what I hope for: revolution de bombers...led by a certain lemming...)

He was surprised to see so many lemmings building on a what seemed a perfectly normal house, a house that needed no adjustment. As if reading his mind, Flotra said "Those lemmings building are the Buildras. Buildras need to build, it's in their nature. We actually rely on the Buildras a lot. I've no idea why they can't just sit and relax for a bit, they just build all day and night. No breaks, they keep building and building and building. We appreciate this "skill", but they often cause problems"
"Problems?" Lemmy queried.
"They often let the bombras out of their holding area." Floatra said patiently "It really bugs us because it means we need to get another blockra to hold them back."
"Ah." Lemmy pondered. "Maybe I use this to my advantage. If I can group together many buildras, I might just manage to save the bombras of this hellish place by building them over the blockras. It'll take some work, but the buildras don't stop, so it shouldn't be a problem." He then just noticed that Climbra was missing.
"Where's Climbra gone?" Lemmy asked nervously.
"Ahh, don't worry about him."Floatra reassured him "If he passes a wall, he will climb it, It's what he does, when he realizes that he can't climb it all the way up, then he'll jump off an rejoin us."
"What if he CAN climb all the way up?"Lemmy asked.
"Then we'll never see him again, dont worry though, the Buildras make sure that their walls can never be climbed, so that we don't lose any climbras. You better go inside, The Boss doesn't like late lemmings, in fact, If you're too late, you completely vanish from existence, so I'd hurry up if I were you.

"Lemmy entered the house being unsure of what to expect. He heard a voice, "Walkra, I have been waiting."
Lemmy looked around to see the owner of these words. The Boss stated "I am the Boss of all the Database, I control this entire place. I believe you have some questions."
Some was an understatement. I had so many questions he could have made a whole new religion on them. Lemmy nervously said "Where are the bashras, mineras, and diggras?" These were the only three Lemra's he hadn't seen yet, and was anxious to find out everything he could about this place, before he put it right.
"They do not contribute to the Database." The boss then quickly changed the subject. "Do you know what I am?"
Lemmy figured that the short answer to his question was a sign of grief towards the Bashras, Mineras, and diggras, and decided that talking about them would not be a good idea. Lemmy shook his head.
"I am Time. I control your existence. If I wanted you to become extinct, you could become just like that" The Boss Clicked his fingers to prove his point. Lemmy was now having second thoughts about his plan to right the wrong in this place. If what the boss was saying is true. He'd be up against the Highest authority. One that can Give life and take life. In short, He'd be up against God. Lemmy started to tremble in fear under Time, the Boss of all the Database. "Is there anything else you wish to ask?" Time said impatiently...

"No," said Lemmy firmly.

(Btw, I'm back!) :)

"Yes," Lemmy replied. "There is something. If you are time -- what happens if I... how you say... break the clock?"
There was a long silence. "This is illogical," Time said.
Lemmy nodded. "Assume. Assume you are the clock. I will break the clock. Do you understand me?" he waved a hand in front of his face. "I... I will break the clock!"
"You cannot!" Time roared. "I am the ultimate being! I control the flow of time and life itself! I cannot be destroyed!"
"Except... except by yourself," Lemmy mused to himself. "You control time, you say?" he said, louder. "I would like to see something, oh great Time. I would like to see you stop time. You see, I've always assumed it could never be done. Prove me wrong."
There was another long silence. Lemmy stood there with his arms folded.
"To stop time..." was all he heard, and then he felt as if some inhumanly strong beast had ripped all of his guts from his body and was tearing them apart. He felt as if his brain was twisting into knots. He felt --

-- Some folk wondered how Lemmy came to be at the Holland Sea Festival carrying a bomb, and what he thought he was doing there.
Lemmy himself wondered this. Not having an answer, he promptly threw the bomb at the first human he saw, and dived into the ocean. It's always worked before, he thought, swimming furiously.

(...Holland Sea festival???  hahaha)

He swam until he got to a rock.

"...stupid rock." Lemmy muttered.

So he sat there, angry at having no answer to his question.  He also wondered what the meaning of the bomb was.  He had been given one at random several times before and he never quite understood why.  He still didn't, although he had a vague feeling of what the answer was.  No real tangible thoughts were there, but that bit of intuition in something other than words that can make us see things, only in Lemmy's case, the fog was not yet lifted completely.

So Lemmy perched on the rock, staring glumly at the bomb. He had the strange feeling it was going to go off soon, but he didn't have the motivation to disarm it. In short, Lemmy was an unmotivated wreck.
Luckily for him, he noticed a tall ship with tattered sails coming straight for him. He raised his arm to hail the ship, and then...

BOOM! Lemmy found himself blown up into tiny pieces, then he heard a voice asking him what the meaning of his existence was, he thought it was a question from one of the Gods, to which he looked up and saw...

Endora from Bewitched.

"Hello, Lemmy," said Endora.
"Who are you?" asked Lemmy.
"I'm Endora, mother of Samantha Stephens."
"You look weird."
"I'm a witch. Now..."
"WHAT?"

Suddenly, Endora transformed Lemmy into a beetle.

He found himself on dry land. He narrowly dodged several pairs of feet and crawled under a rock.

The rock transformed Lemmy into a lemming again. Lemmy saw a crowd of people surrounding him.

"You'll never get me, copper!" he shouted, his eyes wildly scanning the crowd. He feinted left, then right, and suddenly charged full-on into the crowd. People jumped back from him. He ran, dodging pedestrians, until he came to a major highway. He felt very strange about this as memories of himself being run over multiple times played before him, but he resoloutely held his ground and hailed a taxicab.
Just as the cab screeched to a halt in front of him, Lemmy noticed something very strange about the driver...

It was Lemerl! Lemerl was Lemmy's long lost brother that he vaguely remembered from when he was a kid.

"Ni hao!" said Lemerl.
"Huh?" asked Lemmy.

Lemmy saw that Lemerl spoke in Chinese Mandarin. Lemmy did not understand any language except English and alien language.

Suddenly Lemmy's entire life flashed before his eyes, and, thinking this must mean he was about to die, he sprawled headlong in front of the cab.
He then proceeded to lie there for several minutes, expecting to be run over. Nothing happened.

And then Lemmy heard demonic laughter somewhere to his right. He turned his head, to see a demon in the cheap one-piece suit!
"You!" Lemmy gasped, pointing a wavering paw at the demon. "Y-you sold me my demon powers! You -- you fiend! You don't know how many lives I've since destroyed!"
"Oh, but I do," smirked the demon, puffing on a large pipe. "I know precisely how many pointless existences you have ended. Congratulations, Lemmy."
"Con--congratulations?" Lemmy whispered. "You mean that was the right thing to do?"
"Correct!" the demon casually flicked the pipe aside. It crashed through the cab's windshield onto a very surprised Lemerl.

"I have not killed in long enough," Lemmy growled suddenly. "I need -- BLOOD! I need -- DEATH! I need -- TO KILL!"
And with that, he sprouted leathery wings and flew off into the night, wielding his powers with all of his usual pent-up rage.

Why does that particular sentence remind me of Tekken? :P

But then a smiley face knocked down Lemmy.

The next thing was that lemmings looked at Lemmy.

"WHAT NOW?" snarled Lemmy. Suddenly, Lemmalot gave Lemmy a mirror. "You again," said Lemmy with an angry look on his face.

"JUST LOOK!" screamed Lemmalot. Lemmy looked at the mirror and saw something that replaced his face.

"GETITOFFGETITOFF!"
Screamed Lemmy as he pawed at his now yellow and perfectly round face.

[edit][move]TOTPD![/move][/edit]

"Kid," said a horribly familiar voice from behind Lemmy, "that's your face now. Taking it off would not be a good idea."
"YOU!" Lemmy screamed, still clawing at his face. "It's all YOUR fault! You -- and the demon -- and all of them! You're all conspiring against me! You desire my gruesome demise! You--"
"Calm down, kid," the cyborg said, cutting Lemmy's rant short. "The whole world isn't against you. Just most of it. Well, all right; nearly all. Still... don't let it get to you."
"G-get to me?" Lemmy stammered. "My face is a freaking yellow blob! How -- how much worse can it get, Xan?"
For that was who stood behind him. This caused Lemmy no end of discomfort, as he had previously thought he was rid of the cyborg. Unfortunately, it would appear he had been most resoundingly wrong. Xan Kriegor. Behind him. Perhaps holding a gun to his head even as they spoke. Suddenly, Lemmy felt as though he was in a very bad crime novel.
"I suggest you remove that gun from my head, Xan," he said, attempting an air of calm. "If you don't, I'll be forced to turn you in. And believe me, my outfit is harsh on the criminal scum. Scum like you."
Xan guffawed, or he likely would have if he had not been somewhat inconviently robotic. "You've gotten even more deranged since I saw you last, Lemmy. Demon powers getting you down?"
This last was asked while the metal menace calmly poured coffee into that strange hatch built into his right arm.
"Yeah," Lemmy said. "How did you guess?"
"Demon powers are a drag," Xan remarked. "However, I believe they are much better than the alternative."
"The alternative?" Lemmy asked, his face registering new depths of cluelessness.
"Them," Xan clarified, pointing his finger at at the other two Lemmings in the corner.
"Good gravy," said Lemmy, "I'd completely forgotten about them."
He stared.

Lemerl and Lemmalot were sprawled next to the taxi, swigging from cans of beer. "And s'then I shaid, Lemmy, yer not gonna like thish," Lemmalot muttered, occasionally snickering. "And he jusht turned inta'this'ere demon thing, and 'e flew away..."
"Harg," Lemerl snarled. "I could really slay that Lemmy. If he wasn't my own DEAR brother -- I would eat his heart!"
The two toasted this, echoing "Eat his heart!" before downing another swig of beer.

"That," whispered Lemmy, "is absurd. I must be seeing things."
"Sadly, no."
Xan shrugged, and made arcane gestures in the air. Nothing happened, so far as Lemmy could tell. He stared fixedly in front of him.
"What was that supposed to do, Xan?" he asked.
And then...




----------------------------------------------

Oh, and...



No clue. I have never played your ... Tekken. At least, I'm assuming that's a computer game; beyond that, I really don't know. Huh. Or maybe it's a video game. That would explain why I've never played it. PS2, perhaps? Xbox? Or... I dunno. Anyhow, never played it.

Stuffed toys fell on Lemmy. All the lemmings laughed at him, even Lemerl and Lemmalot.
"THAT'S IT?" screamed Lemmy.
"Oh, you'll see," said Xan.
Suddenly, the stuffed toys attacked Lemmy. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" he screamed.

The next he knew was that he woke up on a wheelchair in a mansion.
"Oh no," groaned Lemmy, "what did I do to deserve this?"
"It was your fault, buddy." said a robot voice.
"XAN!"
"Yes, it's me."
"I wish you were gone!"
"You'll regret that wish. You should watch Zathura!"
"No I won't! That movie is so babyish!"
"Well, watch Dora the Explorer!"
"NEVER!"
"They teach you to remove your anger."
Suddenly, Lemmy got off his wheelchair, kicked it out the window, and then stomped at Xan. Xan reflexively threw a nutcracker at Lemmy's head.

Lemmy was thrown forward as his head cracked open and warm red blood ran all over him.  So he really was a nut.   He stood up and ran into an ISP's headquarters.  Upon entering, he was caught by a trap and sucked into the Internet.

The Internet was nothing like he'd expected.  Instead of a computerized world, he found himself hanging off an antenna on a space station.
"Maybe this is the International Space Station website," he said.
He slowly inched off the side of the station and landed in a hangar.  It was empty.  He moved into the next room, which was like a living room, except it was full of papers all over the floor.  Lemmy picked one up and read it.  It seemed to be part of a story.

"'Alright, lowly hedgehog, repeat after me.' Krasan instructed.  His eyes were flickering with a mix of colors which swirled like a blender.  'I support the Krasan Empire.'
  'I support the Krasan Empire,' came a reply, spoken with absolutely no emotion and as if it was coming from very, very far inside him.
  'I shall help its rise and kill anyone who opposes,' Krasan said to the hedgehog.
  'I shall help its rise and kill anyone who opposes,' the hedgehog replied in the tranced tone.
  'Excellent.  Come free, now.  Join me.'  Krasan said, dropping the hedgehog from his magic grasp.   He held up his hand and a ball of purple energy began forming in it.  The energy spun around, then formed into the shape of a blaster rifle.  The energy then disappeared and the gun dropped from the air to land in the hedgehog's hands.
  'Welcome to the Krasan Empire,' Krasan said happily.  'Anyone else?'"

After reading the last line, Lemmy said without meaning to, "Me."  The paper promptly jumped out of his hands and ate him.  He landed in the room with Krasan and the hedgehogs.

~~~~~~~~

Heh, the story excerpt is an advertisement for my fan-fiction, hehehehehe.

Krasan and the hedgehogs turned chaotic. They immediately zapped Lemmy back to Xan's mansion.

"So, how's your trip," asked Xan.
"NOT GOOD! HOW DARE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Lemmy.
"Calm down, dude."
"I AM NOT A DUDE!"

Suddenly, one of Krasan's hedgehogs punched Lemmy to the couch.
"STOP IT!" screamed the hegehog.
Lemmy raised his fist in anger. He jumped out the window and fell flat on the floor.

But he survived.

So he ran to a portal. But his troubles were not over yet.

A small boy, experimenting with magic, set an overhead projecter on fire.
(PS.  This happened yesterday.  My friend was trying to make a spark in front of him in science and the overhead exploded XD)

The overhead projector fell on Lemmy's head.

Lemmy woke up and saw a TV. It was currently showing Dora the Explorer.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" screamed Lemmy.
Suddenly, Lemmalot and Lemerl reappeared by his side.

"YOU!!!" squealed Lemmy.
"Xan told us to make you watch Dora the Explorer," said Lemmalot.
"It'll relieve your stress," said Lemerl.

When Lemmy was forced to stare at the TV he made a loud, ear-splitting scream.

It was as if something inside Lemmy had finally snapped. Well, actually, whatever it was had snapped years ago, but Lemmy didn't pay any attention to those sorts of details. With a shout of pure rage he leapt up, bashed Lemerl and Lemmalot's heads together, and charged gibbering out the door, slamming it behind him.
He dashed across the highway, dodging cars and making rude gestures at the people in the cars. One man rolled down the window and shouted at him in French, but he couldn't understand a word they were saying and merely replied "You haven't seen the fires of hell, fool!".
He shouldn't have taken the time out to speak, and he was promptly creamed by a schoolbus. As he was lying in the road, vision fading, he saw the jeering faces of the people in the bus pointing and him. He could almost imagine their snide remarks.
"You've not... not beaten me yet..." he coughed, weakly raising an arm.

It was at that time that news finally got out of a new arising nation, unique in being the only nation so far contained onboard an airship of some sort. It seemed to have infinite power, and was small but growing. Not much was known about this new nation, however, except that the leader's name was "Sunrise Hinode".

Images blurred before Lemmy's eyes, and resolved into the familiar sight of the hospital, with the doctor standing over him.
"Don't worry," the doctor said, dropping some pills into his hand and getting a water glass. "Everything will be just fine. You've had a bat night."
"NO!" Lemmy screamed, jumping up from the bed. "My life repeats over and over! This can't be happening again!"
Oddly enough, his demon powers kicked in at that moment, and he managed to deny reality once again. The next few minutes were very confusing, and then he wound up sprawled on the cold deck of a starship. It seemed abandonded.
"At least this is new," Lemmy remarked.

Suddenly, smiley faces like  :o,  :),  ;),  :-X,  [smiley=cool.gif],  [smiley=huh2.gif], [smiley=mikehuh2.gif] and  [smiley=mikeXD.gif] popped up in front of lemmy, as well as a bunch of pop-ups that say "GET FREE LEMMINGS GAME!" and "CONGRATULATIONS! YOU ARE THE 6000th VISITOR OF THIS STARSHIP!" Lemmy ran away from the smilies and pop-ups, which started to chase him.

Lemmy ran in a secret section of the ship. Suddenly Lemmy saw these in front of him:

[smiley=spam.gif] [smiley=spam.gif] [smiley=spam.gif] [smiley=spam.gif]

Lemmy screamed. He ran out of the secret section and got chased by the smileys and pop-ups.

Suddenly, Lemmy felt faint...

Lemmy woke up and saw a pie in front of him. He got a piece and placed it in his mouth, and then...

the nation of Sunrise attacked the Lemmerican village of "Lemmerixo".

It was all Lemmy's fault. That pie was a trap. When Lemmy ate the pie the "touch detector" that was planted under the pie triggered the attack to Lemmerixo. Lemmy, who was inside one of the houses of Lemmerixo, got destroyed because the attack hit the house first.

Lemmy's body was on the ground.

____________________________________________________

Lemmy woke up, once again. He was inside a Lemmings Level: The Incinerator.

"Aw, man! How the heck do I get out of there?" wondered Lemmy. It was really hot, and the fires from each side were shooting out flames. The exit was at the very top, with a fire box burning under the pad where the exit was resting.

Lemmy was trapped. Really trapped.

But then he realised he had a lot of builders. He thought "If only I knew the 100% solution, maybe I could pull it off alone..."

Lemmy looked up at the exit and thought for days and days...

Then Lemmy started building up as he slowly started to remember what he was thinking. He soon reached the top and went through the exit.

When Lemmy exited he was not outside, but inside another Lemmings Level, which was...

one that had never been seen before. It looked very futuristic, and very challenging. He was sure it used a style file, yet the other lemmings in it reported having never seen a similar style file before. And they were certain it was a final level. The name of this level was "Ultima".

Ultima was probably the longest level, even longer than "Absolute Ultimate Challenge", but the same size as the other, and was about 90 minutes long.

"OH MAN!!!!!" yelled Lemmy. "I'VE ESCAPED FROM THE INCINERATOR TO SEE THIS! MAN! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! TOO BIG!!! AND I DON'T HAVE A FLOATER!!!"

Lemmy became unconcious.

When he came to, he was sitting in front of a laptop. Lemmy decided he had better do some 1337 h4x0r1n6 or the mushrooms would get him. Lemmy then...





[hehehehe..... ;) ;D]

woke up. He was just dreaming. Xan Kreigor was inside the level Ultima, and was going to help him out. Xan fed him cooked lemming soup, which made Lemmy feel better. Then Xan carried Lemmy and jumped to the exit, which was really, really high.

Now the two of them were in Earth. Lemmy cried.

"WHY ME?? WHY ME???" Xan felt sorry for Lemmy. Xan then did something he never did before: hug Lemmy.

Lemmy ate an apple. It was good. He then noticed the peaches staring at him...
Suddenly Bob the meteor attacked!! Lemmy was surprised and became a platypus.



[Is it just me or this story a kind of tug-of-war? ;)]

Someone told Lemmy to do a google images search for Goatse. He did so, and regretted it.

Bob the meteor returned and chased Lemmy the platypus.

But Xan was quick enough to save Lemmy from Bob the meteor. He used one of his powers to turn him into a lemming again, then he ran away with Lemmy in his arms.
They were inside a hidden cave, which was Xan's original house.

"Xan..." said Lemmy. "I'm sorry. for what happened during the last 34 pages of this story."
"Forget about it."
"But I was so mean to you! I-"
"Lemmy, it's over now. We'll go to a new place and change our names."
"But-"
"Don't feel that way, Lemmy. Let me protect you from the harm that's happening next."
Lemmy then fell asleep in Xan's arms.

The next day, during the dawn, Xan, carrying Lemmy, went to a Lemmings Level named "Forever Seven" which was sort of like a house. Xan bought the level, so it was now their home. He and Lemmy went to another level, "Lane of Lament (Wakizashi)" where Xan changed his name to Dark-Warphead and Lemmy's name to Blacklem.

They then sold all their base to the Sunrise Nation, as a peace offering. The Sunrise Nation accepted.

Except their house, Forever Seven.

Dark-Warphead and Blacklem stayed in Forever Seven for 30 years, in which they played games and had fun together with no disturbances. Even Dark-Warphead used magic on Blacklem so he won't age old. The two of them discovered, on the 25th year they lived, that the level had another name, Impulse of Light. They thought that name was WAY cooler than Forever Seven.

Meanwhile, during those 30 years, in "Even to the Last Lemming" Bob the Meteor was exploring the place. His pal King the Asteroid was trying to burn lemmings in the level "Burnt to a Crisp" and at the same time placing exactly 619 lemmings in the level "Lemmings for Breakfast" where the lemmings got eaten by the steel traps helplessly. Bob's other pal, Hunk the Black Hole, was inside the level "Trailblazer" where he rearranged the trail so the lemmings...

started talking in japanese. One of them said "[ch20693][ch12399][ch12400][ch12363][ch12391][ch12377][ch12424][ch12290]" However, they could not understand japanese, so no one knew what they were saying. This really annoyed the lemmings, and they started yelling "[ch12367][ch12383][ch12400][ch12428]" at each other. Somehow, they knew what this meant, and were highly offended.

The Japanese Lemming that said "[ch20693][ch12399][ch12400][ch12363][ch12391][ch12377][ch12424]" followed the newly rearranged trail that Hunk the Black Hole rearranged for the lems. It was quite foolish for him to do so, because at the end of the trail it lead to a deadly...

place - hell itself. In the form of "All The Sixes".

All the other Japanese lemmings knew that this was a trap. The level restarted itself, and Hunk rearranged the trail again. Fortunately the lemmings knew where the true exit was, as they followed the solution from "It's a Tight Squeeze." One lemming checked the ground carefully for traps and found the safe spot to dig.

The lems were safe as the digger was digging down. They found the exit and entered, but it only lead to another deadly level, which was...

"Rush Hour"! They were completely baffled. Then a giant squid kindly plopped them into the exit. Which led to...




["Rush hour" is one of my levels that will be in the upcoming pack. Probably last.]

"Trailblazer" again, because Hunk the Black Hole knew that "Rush Hour" was not the rightful level for the lemmings. He went to "Rush Hour" and killed the giant squid that was there, then he placed a sign on the squid's corpse, saying HUNK WAS HERE. Then he returned to "Trailblazer" and placed the exit at the beginning of the trail. It lead to a Lemmings Plus 3 level which was named...

(Do you ever play Cheapo, tseug?)

.

[No. I take it you don't like custlemm. ;)]

"Into Eternity". "Crap," said one of the lemmings. "This level is hard!"

It was indeed hard. The level was a rejected level that would have fit into Lemmings Plus 3, but the solution was impossible to pull off. Hunk the Black Hole laughed in satisification as the lemmings tried to escape from the level. Unfortunately they all fell down the abyss that's near the exit.

Meanwhile, the Japanese lemming that was in "All the Sixes" felt like he was going to die. King the Asteroid and Bob the Meteor were making unknown random noises that the lemmings could not understand.

Suddenly, an exit hovered over the Japanese lemming. He jumped into it, only to end up in King the Asteroid's house, "Burnt to a Crisp". The Japanese lemming was scared. Suddenly, he realized...

that there was a solution to "Into Eternity". He quickly tried to find his way there to help the lemmings acheive it.

But King the Asteroid knocked him back into the beginning of the level "Burnt to a Crisp". The lemming got knocked back inside the burning level every time he tried to escape. Now, how will the Japanese lemming escape?

Suddenly, the lemming had an idea to escape from the level! What he did was...

rip a stinker. A big, disgusting, violent stinker.

It worked! The stinker was King the Asteroid's only vulnerability, so King sublimed, and died. The stink was also supposed to block all flamethrowers, so the Japanese lemming escaped the level. Suddenly, the level exploded in flames!

He was now inside "Into Eternity".

But his ass had been badly burned by the sudden explosion of the previous level, and it was no longer covered by his LemmPants.

How embarassing for him.

He was put under arrest. The police officer did not hesitate to put arsecuffs on him.

The lemming was also sentenced to be prisoned in a Lemmings Plus 3 level called "Jailbreak," with one-way arrow walls pointing in both directions. There was no escape for that unfortunate lemming this time.

All his base were belong to Sunrise Nation. But the Sunrise Nation were willing to free him if he worked for their military department.

The Japanese lemming refused, and got shot. Then a military officer (who was Hunk the Black Hole in disguise) secretly threw the Japanese lemming's corpse in a level called Ordeal by Fire. The corpse got cremated.

The president of Sunrise Nation was...

Sunrise Hinode. He liked to smash people with streetlights.

He also liked to enslave lemmings, which made the lemmings feel as if they're objects.

The bodyguards were, of course, Bob the Meteor and Hunk the Black Hole. King the Asteroid was a bodyguard, but was killed by the Japanese lemming.

Back in Forever Seven/Impulse of Light...

Blacklem (Lemmy) and Dark-Warphead (Xan) were having fun together when one day they were called by Sunrise to come to him. It was revealed that during the 14th year they chose to work for Sunrise and help him make levels and enslave lemmings.

"Now, Blacklem and Dark-Warphead," said Sunrise Hinode, "I have a mission for you two. You two must go to the level "Level" and catch every lemming there."

"Uh...what are you talking about?" asked Blacklem.
"That's the name of the level. 'Level.' It's the name I called it."
"Oh..."
"If you want to avoid confusion the level's other name is 'Zanmato 12.'"
"I see. Well, Dark-Warphead, let's go to Zanmato 12 and stop the lemmings there!"
"Yeah!" chanted Dark-Warphead.

As soon as they arrived in Level/Zanmato 12 the duo placed traps all over the place. They hid behind the exit, as lemmings entered the level.

But Sunset Hinoiri, the leader of the underwater Sunset Nation, was aware of this, and tried to save the lemmings. This resulting in him being whacked in the face by Sunrise Hinode. Sunrise and Sunset officially declared war on each other.

It started with the destruction of Level/Zanmato 12 and Road to Nowhere/Road From Nowhere/To the End!

But then, a miracle occured. A lemming discovered a new, previously undiscovered level, called "Zany Fusion".

It was concealed behind the tall pillar in "Down the Middle We Go."

Zany Fusion was the coolest level in the whole universe. Its style was...

BigFatMum.sty.

The lemming's name was Lemmia. Lemmia explored the level, which was full of stars and cool-looking waters. But there are pictures of...

goatse.

Lemmia found a secret object that no other style (including the Lemmings-based and Oh-No-More-Lemmings-based ones) had. She saw a big fat button, which she pressed.

Sunset Nation base was nuked. Sunset Hiniori was placed in "Lemmings for Breakfast" where Bob the Meteor tortured him. The level made a very good torture chamber.

Sunrise Nation, however, did not give a fuck.

Sunrise Hinode watched gleefully at Sunset Hinoiri being tortured by the steel traps in the level.

"You lose, Mr. Hinoiri," said Sunrise. "You don't belong here!"
"But - I - am - your - AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" he screamed.

"I know," replied Sunrise Hinode. "But you're just such a retard."

Sunset Hinoiri was unable to finish his sentence, as at that exact moment a trap tore out his brains and splattered them all over the level. Very disturbing.

[btw, Ice_Eagle: It's Hinoiri, not Hiniori. "Hinoiri" is the japanese word for Sunset, just like "Hinode" is the japanese word for Sunrise]

Bob the Meteor exited from the level, and the level restarted itself. All the blood and brains of Sunset Hinoiri had disappeared.

The levels that were destroyed during the war were currently being repaired by Sunrise Hinode, Blacklem, Dark-Warphead, Bob the Meteor and Hunk the Black Hole. As Blacklem was repairing Short Level, he met Lemmia.

"Uh...hi," said Blacklem.
"Hi, what's your name?" asked Lemmia.
"Blacklem. Yours?"
"Lemmia. Um, nice to meet you."
"Nice to meet you too."
"Want to go have a date with me in a Sunrise? I mean the level, not the president."
"Sure...tonight?"
"Okay! See you later!"

Lemmia exited Short Level.

***************************

Tonight, Blacklem went to the level named Sunrise and met Lemmia on the top of the three buildings. Blacklem built to the buildings and then had a talk with Lemmia.

Meanwhile, in the level Sunset, which was the only level of Sunset base that was not destroyed...

Saniko Hinoiri, Sunset's daughter, was planning her revenge on the Sunrise Nation.

She learned of her father's death from Saniko's bodyguard Shang the Fireball.

****************************************************
Back in Sunrise Nation...

Blacklem and Lemmia were talking and flirting with each other. Then they kissed. After that the two of them went to Lemmia's house, which was annoyingly named "Teh Dingo Pwnz j00!!11!1!11one!1!1shift+one!1!"

"I can't even pronounce the name of that level," said Blacklem with confusion on his face.
"I know. Just call it Teh Dingo Pwnz." said Lemmia.
"Sure..."

They hid themselves in a private section of the level and did "it."

*******************************************************
Saniko and Shang first entered the level "Gasp for Death," and saw Hunk the Black Hole trying to repair it. Saniko, who had a grenade that was specially designed for killing Black Holes, threw it in the air. Hunk sucked it up, causing him to explode. Saniko and Shang laughed as they fixed the level so it was now "theirs."

"We will definitely win!" said Saniko.

Saniko, however, didn't feel entirely comfortable with taking over the world. She just wanted one thing...


...to kill Sunrise Hinode.

The next day, Shang the Fireball had already burned all of the Lane of Lament levels, and killed Bob the Meteor in the process.

Saniko was in the level "Sunrise" where Sunrise Hinode was. She searched the three buildings of the level, and found Sunrise Hinode in the second.

She took out her gun, and aimed it at his head. It was loaded and ready to fire. Slowly, she placed her finger on the trigger, ready to pull it... Sunrise Hinode counted down the seconds to his death...

But she couldn't do it. No matter how much she wanted to, she couldn't pull the trigger...

. And before she knew it, Sunrise used a tranquilizer on her. He realized that his three bodyguards were dead, so he decided to torture her himself.

Meanwhile Shang the Fireball was resting in "Gasp for Death," getting more fire power everytime fire touched him.

Sunrise carried the sleeping Saniko into "Lemmings For Breakfast" and then...

caught eye contact with her. He could not do this to her, she was too beautiful. There had to be another way...

. Suddenly Shang the Fireball attacked Sunrise.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO SANIKO?" yelled Shang. He threw fire at Sunrise, burning his clothes. Unfortunately the fire got caught in Saniko's hair.

"NO!" yelled Shang. Because of Shang, Saniko was ugly. Sunrise rolled on the ground to remove the fire from him, and threw Saniko into the traps.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Shang yelled. "I'LL GET YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!"
But then Sunrise escaped from the level.

************************************************************************************

50 and 1/3 minutes later, Shang went back to "Gasp for Death" and said a bunch of swearwords for an hour. Then Shang cried and felt sad. His boss was killed by Bob the Meteor. Saniko was killed by Sunrise. Saniko's mother was killed years ago in a Lemmings Plus 2 level named Builder Practice/Not so Fast. He wanted revenge.

************************************************************************************
Back in Teh Dingo Pwnz j00!!11!1!11one!1!1shift+one!1!, after Blacklem and Lemmia did "it," they decided to get married immediately. They got married in the level Downwards Bound/Grounded.

But something happened unexpectedly as they kissed.

One of the Sunrise Nation's SunBots went psycho and attacked them. This caused so much chaos.

The SunBot was actually reprogrammed by Shang the Fireball, who snuck in the wedding while the couple was marrying.

Blacklem survived the attack and woke up in Forever Seven/Impulse of Light, but Lemmia got killed by the bot. When Blacklem heard the news he screamed in anger and made a tantrum.

And to make matters worse, Dark-Warphead had left Blacklem mysteriously.

Now Shang the Fireball was happy and saw that his plan was working. He visited Blacklem disguised as Sunrise. The real Sunrise was lured into a decoy level.

Of course, Sunrise was not this stupid. He just WANTED Shang to think he was fooled.

Hinatsu had just become the new leader of Sunset Nation. He was Saniko's younger brother.

So Sunrise made 500 lemmings nuke the decoy level while he escaped. He quickly ran back to Forever Seven and used a water gun to hurt Shang. Blacklem looked confused.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" yelled Shang.

Sunrise was sick of it all. He officially declared war on the Sunset Nation.

But Shang was not dead yet. Shang began his first attack on the war by attacking Sunrise. Blacklem felt scared, so he ran out of his house.

However, Sunset Military Unit sucked. Sunrisean forces had overpowered them within minutes, and had completely obliterated the Sunrise Nation. Hinatsu was the only survivor.

While Shang himself was now a small fire, which Sunrise stepped on.

Hinatsu avenged Shang's, Sunset's, and Saniko's deaths by luring Sunrise into a lemmings level named "The Left or Right Puzzle." Sunrise knew the level was a trap, because he originally created it. Suddenly, Hinatsu appeared out of thin air.

He yelled to Sunrise "You shall pay for the death of the Hinoiris!" Sunrise replied, "and that pathetic fireball guy?"

Hinatsu replied "Nah, I never liked him."

"Of course you did!" yelled Sunrise.
"NO. He never gave me enough attention. Meet my bodyguard..."

Suddenly, the level was shaking. Sunrise fell to the bottom of the level on a fake exit. The level suddenly turned alive.

"...Sping!"
"Sping? That's the name of the bodyguard?" asked Sunrise. Suddenly he went into fitfuls of laughter.

Then he threw Hinatsu into a trap. It was over. The Sunset Nation was completely defeated.

But what about Sping the bodyguiard?

Sping tried to attack Sunrise, but...

...had forgotten he(Sping) was already dead.

So the level bodyguard fell down. Sunrise quickly escaped out of the level and ended up in an Ultimate Challenge level named...

"All Your Lemming Are Belong To Us". He himself had designed it two years ago, but he couldn't remember how to complete it.

Suddenly, the level's pixels have corrupted themselves.

Sunrise quickly found a way out, and pwned a dingo.

After that a stack of pies popped up.

And also, for some reason, a candle, a brick, a door, a camera, a piece of paper, paint, and a Lemmings Level popped up in front of Sunrise.

Sunrise right-clicked and deleted them all.

(okay, let's not be so random now...)

After deleting the objects Sunrise saw something, which was...

actually a very valuable substance known as Hydrogen Pentachlorosulphate. No one had seen this substance naturally occuring before.

It has the ability to morph into anything.

It morphed into a lemming that proceeded to chew on Sunrise's leg.

After that, the lemming's head turned into a Medusa head with multiple Black Mamba snake-hairs